BPDFamily.com

Mod note: this is a continuation of this thread: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=338376.new#new

Well, so much about doing it the right way.

Need to leave the house. Staying in a hotel right now.  :(

Solid work taking care of yourself!

When you get a chance...I'd be interested in listening to details of what happened.

Best,

FF

 :hi: Faith.

I join FF in being interested in listening.

There is always someone here to talk to.

LT.

Being raised by a uBPD parent caused me to always seek validation and approval.  My first marriage was to a uBPD H who devalued me and left.  My current marriage of twenty years finally caused me to really take a look at why I was attracted to these R/S.

My first H was a victim of covert incest from his mother.  The mother divorced his father and remarried, but continued to use her S as a surrogate spouse.  H was prone to fits of crying and suicidal ideation.  I was able to get him to a T, at least.  In the end, he devalued me suddenly and left the house, never to return.  I was totally blindsided, so much so his T confided to me that he really had deep, serious issues.  I learned through the grapevine that this X quickly remarried and started a family. 

My current H was raised by a uNPD F and enabling M.  The F favored the other sibling over H.  H's first W is uNPD.  I can often now predict when my H will dysregulate, and I no longer give him the attention he demands for bad behaviour.  (I think it's like dealing with a child's tantrum.  You don't give it the attention and it goes away.)

BPDs choose either NPDs or codependents as partners.  This is clear in my case as a codependent.

At least I know what I am up against now.     For many, many years I dealt with the rages, the abandonment and emotional pain of being married to a BPD, so much so that I have C-PTSD.  Now I have better self confidence and know I was the the cause of my husbands' instability.