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Title: I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend Post by: kianageorge on August 06, 2019, 02:48:48 AM :help:
I recently broke up with my girlfriend. I have know for a while now that she has BPD. I have been riding the roller coaster of emotions and trying to help her because I thought that I would be able to. I really just want some support to making sure that I can stay strong with this break up. Title: Re: I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend Post by: formflier on August 06, 2019, 07:06:00 AM *welcome* Sorry you are having to work through breaking up with a pwBPD (shorthand for person with BPD). It can be really odd to try and break up with someone that wants you gone one minute and won't let you go the next. Does that match your experience? How do you think we can best support you in your breakup? I can assure you that you have found a community that "gets it". We've all personally dealt with the odd behavior/thought/speech...the kind of stuff that makes your head spin...and when you explain it to someone that hasn't dealt with it...they think you are the crazy one. Can you give us your top few reasons for the breakup. Remembering those will help keep things in perspective. Best, FF Title: Re: I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend Post by: PeteWitsend on August 06, 2019, 08:07:21 AM :help: I recently broke up with my girlfriend. I have know for a while now that she has BPD. I have been riding the roller coaster of emotions and trying to help her because I thought that I would be able to. I really just want some support to making sure that I can stay strong with this break up. Be wary of "I don't understand; everything was fine" kinda messages trying to get you to come back. Especially accompanied with a lot of "rewriting history" as we call it, where she will try to muddy waters that were clear in your mind, and convince you this was all your fault. and if you just hadn't done XYZ, she wouldn't have reacted, and now that you both know that, it'll be better if you come back. If this happens, I would just not engage. Or else, write a letter stating your position, and ignore any responses. She can't argue with a letter. some advice I rec'd after my divorce: If you feel any regret, or anger, and want to take it out on her, think twice. To a PWBPD's disordered thinking, anger is a sign you still care. It can actually be reassuring to them. In contrast, if you stay silent and ignore them, it often makes them more distressed; they're stuck alone with their disordered thoughts. I don't say this to mean you should intentionally try to torment her by playing games, but just remember that you two aren't going to be on the same page emotionally here, so it's better not to even engage Title: Re: I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend Post by: PeteWitsend on August 06, 2019, 08:13:10 AM Also... CONGRATS!
Title: Re: I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend Post by: Lucky Jim on August 06, 2019, 10:14:48 AM Hey kiana, I suggest you practice gratitude for leaving an unhealthy r/s. I admire your courage for getting off the roller coaster. It's hard and you will probably have second thoughts, but in my view you are on the right path. Suggest you stay the course. A lot of us have recycled, including me, only to end up in the same place further down the line, except with more pain. Time to move on, my friend.
LuckyJim Title: Re: I recently tried to break up with my girlfriend Post by: Cat Familiar on August 06, 2019, 05:05:19 PM What do you mean by "trying to help her"?
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