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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: Masang M on August 06, 2019, 11:15:44 AM



Title: Triggered and the cycle is starting again
Post by: Masang M on August 06, 2019, 11:15:44 AM
My bpdH got triggered by 2 weeks ago during his session with his therapist then again during hi DBT sessions. He has started his cycle again and has gone back to comfortable bad habits instead of new good habits. There has been a slight change though where his habits before were more passive they are starting to become slightly more aggressive. For example in the past he would ignore me now he is starting to cut me down or do things I don’t like, I recently told him I don’t like to be tapped or patted and last night he decided to start tapping me which he acknowledged he knew I didn’t like. I know he was triggered about conversations about his inner child and now he’s stuck there. I found myself JADEing when I recognized it I stopped I told him I didn’t have to continue the conversation and he seemed irritated by this. I’m beginning to wonder if he was using my JADEing as a sort of therapy.
I am starting to feel the resurgence of negative emotions and am looking for some suggestions to stop them before I fall to far back into bad or co-dependent habits.


Title: Re: Triggered and the cycle is starting again
Post by: itsmeSnap on August 06, 2019, 08:32:55 PM
Excerpt
I’m beginning to wonder if he was using my JADEing as a sort of therapy
.
This sounds to me like the child play-thing (you mentioned inner child talk, related?) of poking/teasing the girl you like to get her attention.

Its obnoxious and doesn't really get the right message across. I'm thinking he's trying to get your attention, any attention, if "bad attention" is the only one he can get that's probably why he's doubling down on it.

Bad patterns, however dysfunctional, work to get his needs met. Its not optimal, or healthy, but they work (like living off energy drinks and fast food instead of nice balanced meals)

He got a reaction out of you, now he's got you to engage (arguing) with him, he gets attention, win!

Now, why does he want attention? Was there something specific about the inner child thing or was it that you stopped "seeking him" after some time of him ignoring you? (Avoidance can also be another way to get your attention, a "test" to see if you keep trying to reach him, "see if you still care")


Title: Re: Triggered and the cycle is starting again
Post by: Masang M on August 06, 2019, 09:01:56 PM
You brought up some interesting points. We were watching TV something we don’t do often. Maybe he was bored with it? He is not great with words  you have definitely given me something to think about the next time he does it. Thank you!