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 :help:

My nd pBPD had just flipped into the biggest rage and I don’t know what to do

Everything has been good for a year. No episodes after his biggest episode last summer

He informed me on Tuesday night that his family was coming to visit. They are normally the trigger. I said how will they all sleep here? Sister with husband and two young kids, mother and maybe his brother. Our apartment has 2 bedrooms. But at the moment you can’t use upstairs as it’s for no ac and we live in turkey.

He immediately became enraged. Saying his family is more important than me. I said but my family are also coming for the night on Sunday. Where will everyone sleep?

On Monday we fly to England ( me my mum and sister) for my sisters wedding

Last night he became worse

Very aggressive.

He is now threatening to go to the police. To get me deported. He will say I am working illegally.

He has lost all grip on reality. He has just screamed in my face that I control him. Don’t respect him and that I am refusing to let him leave. He will also tell the police that I won’t let him take my belongings

He is threatening that when I’m out the country he will do everything. Even get rid of our dog

He just called me to say he called the landlord to say I’m leaving. I called the landlord and he said he hasn’t spoken to him


Please please help

How can I get him to return to base

Hi blackorchid

That sounds like a really tough situation. I haven't experienced it that bad with my partner before but something that has helped me in the past is to let go of the actual reason for conflict (where will everyone sleep if his family comes over), say something like "okay, we'll figure it out somehow", and then distract him by suggesting doing something completely different together. My experience is that when the emotion has settled everything kind of works itself out, but it does mean that I have to let go of any outcome. (Though you can prepare yourself by thinking of possible solutions, if it helps you feel calmer. I wouldn't communicate these to him, because it could just make him feel stressed and lead to more conflict. But just for yourself: where could everyone sleep? Could you and your family go somewhere else for a night if necessary? Do you have friends you could borrow an extra mattrass from?)

I don't know if that helps. Right now it sounds like the most important thing is just that he calms down so you can feel safe again. And probably he's also feeling unsafe and stressed. In my experience family visits can be quite high pressure with lots of triggers.

Wishing you lots of strength, stay safe!

He has messaged me saying that if I contact anyone from his family he will go to the police. He is leaving me. He won’t come home again. To pack his things and to give them someone.


Have no idea what to reply

Also to give a bit more background. His family hate me. They have repeatedly stated to me that they want to split us up. Normally when they come he splits.

I don’t want them in my home whilst I’m out the country. His sister has told me it’s her sole wish to make him leave me. They want a nice Muslim Turk for him and not an English foreigner.

Last time they came she threw bleach over my clothes and her kids broke a lot of things. They tied my dog up in the house and I found her on the balcony in the heat with no water and food. And the lead incredibly short. She was stretching (god knows for how long) to get to the water bowl which was beyond her reach on the lead.

When I try to talk about my issues (anytime) he rages.

Last year as a boundary he said they wouldn’t be allowed to visit again

It's been a couple of days.  How are you doing?

RC

She updated here, RC:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=338676.0

Thanks for the redirect, Witz_End!

RC

Thanks Radcliff. Sorry for the silence. I was so busy trying to rearrange my apartment and pack before I left. I just updated agin over there on the other thread. Thank you for your concern. It really helps