BPDFamily.com

mom's tantrum abruptly ended yesterday around noon.

At some point in the tantrum, she threatened to go to the court and give up custody of SD and then check herself into an intensive outpatient treatment facility for the next 2-3 weeks.  She made it clear that she was doing this to be able to check off a box of "things you want me to do" and that in her sessions she was going to concentrate on her interactions with me and H, and not talk about how she interacts with SD because she hasn't done anything wrong with SD and H is the only problem.  It was very nice of her to put that in writing so succinctly.

From what I can see online, she actually filed something with the court yesterday (I think it was just a standard form to respond to the modification).  Since she's so quiet, I think it is also possible that she actually did check into the outpatient facility.  So that leave us a dilemma.

She's supposed to get SD this weekend, and then again the 19/20th - days when she would supposedly be in treatment.   I don't have any experience with these kinds of facilities (mom has been in inpatient care before, but not outpatient).  She may not show up to pick up SD.  If she does, is it reasonable to ask that the treating psychologist at the facility provide a note that says she is stable enough to have a child under her care that night?

She wrote that she was going to check herself into a facility?

I guess I would lay low and wait. If you don't hear from her by the 18th, maybe send an email and refer back to her own words?

"Unless we hear otherwise (by deadline), we'll assume that SD will be with us full-time until further notice."

If your L signs off on that...

Never a dull moment...

Since it's related to medical treatment, I'm guessing that you won't be able to obtain anything from the facility (breach of confidence, blablabla) so I'd steer clear of that.   

How can you check yourself in a facility that offers an out-patient program? She'll go back home daily so I guess that visitation times may be impacted by the treatment.  Maybe simply ask her to confirm that the visits are canceled since visitation time is at the same time as the treatments?

What is your L saying?

She has her therapist write letters after every session stating what they worked on and then posts those on the parenting app.  My H has never asked her to do this, but I think she's trying to prove she's reasonable and we aren't.

I was waiting to see if she confirms she is going to join that facility before I had H talk to the lawyer.

For now, she's decided to stay out of the hospital.  Apparently she went to see both her therapist and her GP in this morning and they told her there is nothing wrong with her.  She says she brought a printout of messages on the parenting app and they weren't worried.  So we've moved from puddle of fear to entitlement.  I assume that means anger comes back tomorrow.

I was amused that we had asked her to show the texts she sent SD to her therapist and instead she keeps showing what she sends H.  This is a repeated pattern.  It's a pretty good sign that she KNOWS that what she is doing is inappropriate.  She's just going to continue trying to muddy the waters in the hope that no one notices.

I really need to stop believing what SD's mom says.

We discovered last night that her doctor not only didn't say she was just fine, he actually admitted her into inpatient psychiatric treatment.  She insists this was just because she was "overmedicated" and they want to wean her off safely.  A few minutes later, she asked H if he would come to family therapy with her at the facility.  He said no.  He's already documented all the problems with her behavior - to her verbally and in writing to her therapist and on the parenting app.  There's nothing left to say.

We don't know how long she'll be there or whether she'll try to resume the normal custody schedule when she gets out.  She still seems to think that the motion H filed is actually a judge's order.

SD is upset.  Not that mom is sick, but that "mom keeps doing things like this".