BPDFamily.com

I get somewhat fatigued reading sources stating that people with BPD can't help what it is that they do. I've a hard time believing that, when my mother repeats two particular behaviors, no matter how many times I've begged/ pleaded/ demanded that she stop doing them. They are: 1)eating while we're talking on the phone and 2) sending me "walls of text"--literally several paragraphs via text.

I've repeated myself on both issues and, every time, she says that she won't do it anymore. And, then, lo and behold, she pulls it again in the near future. I feel as though I'm the crazy one for having (or even bothering) to repeat myself so many times on the same subject. But, seriously, I am convinced that she does these things with at least some form of awareness.

I can't be the only non-BPD of a (u)BPD parent who does this, can I?

BPD is a spectrum disorder. Some know what they do, and it’s speculated that some don’t. Is this something you’ve noticed recently, or over your lifetime?

How well do you set and maintain boundaries?

This sounds like a fairly easy way to hold to a boundary. Remember, boundaries are about us -- the values we hope and what we do about them -- not trying to control what someone else is doing. You change the way you behave, then the other person has a choice to change the way they interact. If you don't change, they have no incentive to change.

So...say your boundary/value is you want and need a focused phone conversation, which includes the person on the other end not eating while they talk with you; it is distracting (for a number of reasons).  You've asked numerous times that this person not do so. You have a phone conversation, and it becomes apparent that the person is eating. You have a choice -- 1) ignore your boundary/value and let the person continue, while you seethe or 2) hold to your boundary and say something (light as a feather) like, " Mom, you're eating, so I'll let   you go. Call me later when you finish. "

Now, that's something different! You might need to do it 3-4 times to demonstrate you really won't compete with the meat loaf , but eventually you'll have a toll-free conversation.

Have you looked through the site into on tools?

What might you do in the case of dense texting?

I’ve noticed my unbpd mom doesn’t like anyone telling her what to do, so she’ll purposely do the opposite just to make a point. I think it probably has something to do with low self esteem and needing to be in control.

These two particular issues only became noticeable once I reached adulthood. The eating-while-on-the-phone issue started when I was away at college and continues today. The wall-of-text issue just began recently, as she only began texting via smartphone a few months ago. But, already, I've asked her to "not send a wall-of-text" at least 8-9 times, thus far. And every time that she does send one, she has some excuse, so as to somehow validate her choice to ignore my request.

Per my message above rez: boundaries -- what do you do when she sends these texts after being asked not yo? Do you read them? Do you respond?

I guess I should ask -- are you asking for validation? Are you venting? Or are you asking for input and help with possible solutions? We can support you as you need.