BPDFamily.com

Interesting to me after having some contact with my ex w/BPD, is how this awful disease really takes away from one's life and the lives of the people around them.

It's great that we have resources like this site to educate people on the disease. After learning more about the causes and symptoms of BPD, you can really see the effects quite clearly. It's even more clear after some time passes and the non-BPD partner is past most of the hurt.

From my perspective, here are a few things that make having any sort of a relationship when someone affected by BPD difficult:

1.) It's hard to know what they really think about pretty much anything. The delusions, accusations and lies make it very hard to know what they are thinking.
2.) If you had a romantic relationship, you never really know what you meant to them. Much of what they tell you is manufactured. Nothing is ever "real".
3.) "Walking on Eggshells" makes it extremely difficult to have even the most basic relationship or conversation. The "Black & White" nature of the disease can make you their best friend or worst enemy is a second.
4.) It's heartbreaking seeing them become so dysfunctional and waste their lives in such torment.
5.) While I believe that most know they have a problem, getting them to take action and get help is very difficult.

After several years of not speaking with my ex, she contacted me about being stalked. I listened to her story and was just heartbroken. It was clear to me that what was happening was not real. She was so desperate to be believed.

And just having the most basic conversation with her was exhausting. Almost anything I said would set her off or make her become defensive.

I could tell she was lonely and I know why she has such serious difficulty maintaining relationships of any kind. There's always someone to hate and a drama to be blamed.

The good news, everything I learned here about the disease helped me recognize the symptoms so much more clearly and helped me to be able to have a non-charged conversation...at least for a little while.

i'm glad you feel you've come to a more objective perspective on your ex, What JustHappened?

what are you gonna do with this information moving forward? how do you think that understanding these personality traits can be used to improve your own life and relationships?

Well, that's a tough question because most people one deals with aren't this way. I really have to concentrate when I speak to her. I have to watch my words and tone which is much different than most people.

If anything, it does teach one to have a little more patience when having difficult conversations so I guess that's good. And watch how one phrases things not only with wording but tone and inflection.

It also has taught me to be able to recognize the disease very quickly so if/when I encounter it again, I know to run ASAP.

I hate to say this but I've enjoyed practicing my skills on her and seeing how I could finally get the upper hand. Before, I was like a chicken with my head cut off and was not in control. Now I feel that I am in much more control. I know that what she tells me is pretty much make-believe and just let any "button pushing" roll off my back.

do you think this might be related to old wounds from the relationship?