BPDFamily.com

hi all

my BPDw has always been very suggestible... as in where i am now was suggested to her by a neighbor, also her therapist suggested the same ideas. she has grabbed onto these ideas and has made them 'who she is now.' she dropped into the 'i can't unfeel these feelings' zone.

has anyone else had experience with their BPD and suggestibility? I know that lack of a deep sense of is a big thing with BPDs, but i guess i'm looking for more specific examples from others who have had a romantic relationship with a BPD individual. thank you all

Hi Lotus  :hi:

Omg yes - witnessing the suggestibility was fascinating in a horrifying kind of way!  Toward the end of our relationship (when I finally connected the dots about his undiagnosed BPD) I literally could tell who the last person my exBPDh spoke to by the words that were coming out of his mouth and the ideas he was espousing.  It turned into a macabre sort of game for me, while I waited for him to move out of our home post-divorce, guessing who the last person was.  It was one of the more bizarre aspects of his illness and really brought it home to me that there was really "no one home" or any "there there".  It's truly sad to witness such a lack of self in another and it helped with my slow, painful realization at the time that he was completely incapable of a healthy adult relationship with anyone (without a lot of therapy) and actually to this very day due to his denial and blame shifting.

Warmly,
B

Hi loutusblossom!

YES!  I have some examples for you.

My wife has always done whatever anyone, other than me, suggests to her.  For example, once I gave her an idea for the business we owned and she looked me dead in the face and said that I was stupid.  Ten minutes later one of her new favorite people came in and said you know you should blablbala (same thing I said) and she got all excited and said that's a GREAT idea can I come by your house later and we can talk about it.  I was in shock.  I walked out.  It came up a few days later and she claimed it never happened.

When she just decided to leave me she said she was going to look for an apartment.  Her BFF suggested she buy a house, the next day she was filling out paperwork to get pre-qualified.

These are a few examples, but I can tell you it happens almost daily at my house, it's like she always has to try something new and get off a path and try a new one...constantly.  What hurts is if I every suggest anything she always says no..."our life isn't about your wants"

Best of luck to you
((HUGS)

SH4

The lack of sense of self I hear about isn't a trait my wife really exhibits on the whole... not any more than can happen with anyone.  Suggestability probably runs with that, as it seems people are saying.  In fact, she can even be kinda stubborn and seems to have more steady, set image of who she portrays her self to be.  The problem is more along the lines of blindspots to where she is not that image.

But, I have seen things like this...


...and generally chalk it up to splitting.  If you idealize someone, their ideas are gold, so a pwBPD may respect and follow their suggestions more readily - even in cases where Joe says the same thing as Bob and Bob is shot down and Joe praised.  It's a selective suggestability based at least on who and what status they hold in the BPD mind.  With her, it's also selective/limited in scope... if Joe's suggestion clashes with her own opinion or something she's set on, nope.  In fact, enough of those cases will drop Joe out of idealization as she realizes "he doesn't think like me, his ideas aren't compatible."

As we all are, she is more flexible on things she is more neutral on.  Or, she will chameleon slightly as she gets along with someone, but there is usually limit to that and it is usually closer to what we all do to a degree.  An exception to that is a guy who has become a bit of a problem in how his way of operating encourages and feeds into BPD problematically.

thanks all!

i'd love to hear more if anyone else has any experience with this.

thanks again