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It’s a long story but basically I left my BPD husband 5 months ago. We have been on good terms since. I let him have a key to my house and visit regularly because his dog still lives with me (he can’t have dogs where he lives).

While we’re together my husband had a camera/clock that was connected to his phone via an app.  It sat on the bedside table. He said he used it to keep an eye on the dog. The other day I found it underneath my bedside table. It was plugged in as though it had been placed there. It was facing my bedroom door.. There was also tape placed over the numbers so that they didn’t stand out in the dark.

I asked my husband about it but he said ‘eh, it’s underneath the drawers?’ as of he was surprised. He then said it hadn’t worked for ages and that he had deleted the app off his phone. When I asked hi if he was using it to spy on me he said ‘well I thought about it but then I though, no I can’t do that!’ Am I in
denial thinking that there might be some other explanation for this?

Hey I don’t blame you, that does seem very suspicious.. was he the insecure/possessive type when you two were together?

When we were together he didn’t seem the jealous type at all. He seemed I trust me, I didn’t give him any reason not to. Since we have been apart though he has been suspicious. I
did join a dating website (somehow my husband found out, he said a friend of his saw me on there). I also shared a kiss with another guy. So I have given him some reasons to think I’m flirting with/dating/sleeping with other people but I’m not.

Hi Littleblondie

Is there any way to get it tested out to see if it is actually broken or not

If it didn't work, then why would he have considered using it to spy on you- then supposedly decided not to?

That doesn't add up. I would be highly suspicious of that.

It's suspicious.  Trust your instincts.

For what it's worth, my BPDex installed a camera on my porch obscured by plants with the intent of "catching" me bring lovers into my house.  There were no lovers, so he resorted to picking apart the clothes I wore when I went out.  I didn't know he had done this until after he had removed the camera and started sending me pics of myself coming and going from my own house. 

It felt like such an invasion, and it was the thing that finally convinced me I had to get out of the relationship.

I second a few others here and say trust your instincts... on the camera and probably the dating app (likely it is him who spotted your profile on there).

My thoughts around why this is, my guess is that since he's unlikely to be able to take responsibility for any part of the breakup (even if he initiated it... sorry I haven't read the back story here), he will be looking for reasons to jettison any guilt, shame and blame for why the relationship fell apart. My guess is that he believes that there was someone else and that's why the relationship ended. If he found evidence (that doesn't exist) he can satisfy himself that he wasn't to blame and he isn't "wrong".. "bad".  My W has Rolodex of things as to why she's justified in drilling the relationship into the floor, none of which are anything to do with her.

Maybe you should reconsider the key or certainly be more vigilant about things looking out of place.

Enabler 

That's some foolishness.  Lock your door and get a new alarm clock.  Also, consider restricting access to the dog.

Any update?

Hi everyone, not much to update you on as I haven’t really acted on this. In my mind it is another reason that I know I made the right decision not being with him. I left the clock out for him and he took it home (I’m hindsight I wish i’d kept it for a while to see if I can out find more about it).

 I haven’t asked for my key back because if I do then either he can’t see his dog unless I’m there (which is not ideal as I’m trying to see my husband less). Or we will have to give the dog away to someone which isn’t an option  for us. Not sure what to do. I still have strong feelings for my husband and I feel guilty to ask for my key back.

I keep making excuses for him in my mind like maybe the clock just fell down there and the numbers were covered up because they were too bright and he couldn’t sleep (my husband has slept at my house when I was on holiday). I think I’m still deeply trauma bonded and in the fog. I did tell my therapist what happened and she thought the clock must have been placed there intentionally.

Yes, he put the clock/camera there to spy on you. There is *no* doubt about that, given it was in a an unusual location that was hidden, that it was plugged in, and that there was tape covering the numbers so the light from them wouldn't draw attention. Don't doubt yourself on this one.

You're in a difficult position. I love dogs, totally understand. You'll have to get creative to figure out how he can have time with the pup without you being around, but my advice is to figure out a way that works, then change the locks. Don't ask for the key, he's made copies. I guarantee you he has, in case you do ask for the key back.