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We had a mutual friend much younger than us. They would cuddle and express attraction. We were in a heterosexual relationship. She claimed she had some attraction to women but it wasn't sexual. I watched them get close. There was some jealousy but I told myself that it was "my PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm)". I go to the same dance events as them. I watch them make out on the dance floor. It's painful. They are charismatic and beautiful together, and very few people see through the deeper facade. I watch her at almost 40, love bomb this 23 year old girl like she did to me.

We lived together and she moved out three times. She would often call this girl to help her move out - clearly a white knight scenario.

We all share a community together. I could sit and ruminate and be angry but I chose to move forward. I chose to send them a message giving them my blessing and say I was happy to be moving ahead. But darn, did it make me nauseous to send that message! It feels like I am condoning their behavior. But what else can I do? Any other way leads to conflict, and misery. I had to choose this. It feels like I am choosing a higher self. But it's painful.

Very few people believe what she's really like. How do I find peace?

Hi Farewell,

I hear you on this one. I came across an instagram post my ex made a couple weeks back claiming things about me that just weren't true. How I used her, stepped on her, stabbed her in the back, stabbed her in the heart, how i was small, projecting on her, and hurting in my own ways. It took every ounce of me to not call her on the spot and tell her to F OFF. I've been in no contact for just over two weeks now, and I wish I could show everyone the person she was behind closed doors. Out in the open she's all "spitual", yoga teacher, reiki master, show kindess, peace and love. Behind closed doors, I saw a different animal. How do you find peace? By accepting the fact that whatever they say or did, has nothing to do with you. Just take it one day at time. Release any anger in healthy ways. Write, run, take a walk, breathe, take a sledge hammer to a spare tire rim, yell at the top of your lungs F YOUUUUU. I hope this helps and in time you'll find what you're looking for.

R

Hi Farewell,

Am sorry that you have to experience this kind of traumatizing experience. :wee:

According to many studies, BPDs are chameleons, have such a fragile self image that they might sometimes change their sexual orientation ( back and forth). So these developments of your (ex) partner can be seen as a part of BPD. Nothing related to you.

However, as you probably know, BPDs have serious difficulties with any close relationship, so most likely this latest one won’t last long either.

Would you like to have her back, knowing all this?



Vincenta

I get the impulse about few people know what she's really like.  If your ex was the one who initiated the break-up, you might have to deal with looking like the Bad Guy(tm) forever and ever, Amen.  That she went out and found a 23 year old at her age, no matter the gender, shows what she's about right there.  I'd try to see if you could just get used to it.  You might not be able to completely avoid them, but try to minimize contact.  If it ends up being too much, you might just have to start over, painful as it is.