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All my other posts have been asking for help in managing my responses, finding my calm, managing the anger at the imbalance of the relationship, feeling angry at her sense of entitlement, feeling emotional at the way she blames me for everything...

I have read several books that helped me understand what I should do.

But I found something about a week ago that is actually helping me do it.
My brain and my body/emotions are connecting in a way they haven't before.
I don't even know how it works because I don't feel like I'm consciously doing anything.

I started doing meditation.  I googled meditation for anger, learning to react differently etc and found some good things but its always been hard to put into practice.
I started on www.headspace.com - I'm sorry if I"m not supposed to 'advertise' but this has helped me tremendously because its all about what happens to your breath and to your body when you feel strong emotion. 
It is the most hopeful I have been in a long time.

Each interaction where I am calm, where I can swiftly delay or end the conversation, where I can allow her to speak without reacting and getting upset - has made things better.
She apologized to me for something this morning - I almost fell on the floor...she was rather aggressive first, but my calm lead to her calm and she came back to me and apologized...
This is the woman who blames me for EVERYTHING!

I'm not saying this will change her as I have learned that it won't.  I still have a BPD partner and will work hard every day to handle it.
But feeling under control is a dramatic change.  I hope some of what I've offered can help someone else...

Thanks for sharing!  That reminds me, my therapist has told me to meditate.  I'll try to get back on the bandwagon tomorrow.  It'd be interesting to hear if other members have had success with meditation.

RC

Hi Omega and Radcliff,

I also meditate.  I try to do it twice daily (even at work).  I use the Calm app.  Each daily meditation has a theme/focus and is only 10 minutes long.  My favorite thing to do lately, while the weather permits is to meditate in the sun on my deck for the 10 minute session, then stay 10 minutes more for me.  That way I also get my 20 minutes of Vitamin D daily :)

Gadget

I am finding meditation helpful getting out of the reptilian brain, fight or flight thinking, and oxygenation of brain kicks in that higher executive brain back into gear.

Slowing down has also helped me to feel Again, be more relaxed.

Hi Omega1:
I'm glad you discovered meditation & started practicing it. I learned TM meditation (with a mantra), back in the day when it was popular.  There is a great free app for your phone that you might find helpful: Insight timer. Others on this website have mentioned it as well.  It has a whole lot to offer for free.

Insight Timer has a lot of types of meditation to choose from.  Sometimes, I just listen to some of the nature sounds and/or nature sounds with some music and practice the 4-7-8 breathing exercise (inhale for 4, hold for 7 & exhale for 8).  

Once you start getting into meditation, you will find that there are a lot of types, lengths, voices, music, sounds, etc. to choose from.  Everyone has a preference.  I find that the voice, cadence, background music, etc. makes a difference.  You will find that some of the recording are more appealing than others.

The 12-minute video meditation at the link below, is one of my go-to meditation escapes.  You might want to give it a try:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0Lo5tUXkVI&t=170s

Mindfulness & meditation is promoted in DBT training.  If you can get your person with BPD or BPD traits to give it a try, it would be a good thing.  You don't have to promote it as anything other than it's a healthy habit.  

   ...hell yea !  I try to catch the sunrise, informal meditation (with coffee) alone every morning on my terrace.  Just focusing on clouds, birds and the changing light.  Then most sunsets over the near by mountains.  again the birds, the bats emerging for the evening... bliss.