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Title: Still can't understand it - why she is she so mean to me? Post by: Omega1 on September 01, 2019, 04:31:57 PM Can you explain it - is it projection, is it her own anxiety...resentment...?
She's just awful - doesn't want me to have things - wants me to give my food to her kids, rips into the things I say like they are so stupid, gets impatient so quickly, becomes so argumentative and I just feel attacked... Then for absolutely hours, she socializes with our neighbour and I sit upstairs and listen to her being so warm and engaging and lovely. I remember that lovely woman from when we first met. Will I ever be on the receiving end of that again? I'm getting so much better at not 'reacting' - but still feeling so sad that she just seems happier with other people. I know half of it is just feeding her need for attention from others, but she's so 'on' and happy and laughing. I know I shouldn't compare to how she behaves with me, but it's so hard. Maybe if I could better understand WHY she treats me this way? Title: Re: Still can't understand it - why she is she so mean to me? Post by: expatblue on September 01, 2019, 05:51:30 PM The eternal "why" I ask the same question daily. I am sure you have studied her disorder as have I until it seems we are reading the same things over and over, looking for new insights new strategies but still "WHY" ? my pwBPD raged on me last night for hours, then went into her "private" room and had a long phone conversation in Japanese with some friend, laughing loudly and really enjoying the talk then emerged in an angry rage to abuse me again.
I am sorry I have no answers for you just wanted you yo know you are not alone in asking why. Title: Re: Still can't understand it - why she is she so mean to me? Post by: Omega1 on September 01, 2019, 07:08:14 PM Thank you :hug:
I absolutely know it isn't me - but that's my intellectual side and it just feels like she hates me... Title: Re: Still can't understand it - why she is she so mean to me? Post by: expatblue on September 02, 2019, 01:28:35 AM ... she hates herself, so you by extension...probably
Title: Re: Still can't understand it - why she is she so mean to me? Post by: GoodMan on September 04, 2019, 09:43:45 AM Has she been diagnosed as a pwBPD?
Title: Re: Still can't understand it - why she is she so mean to me? Post by: Stillhopeful4 on September 04, 2019, 10:45:26 AM Can you explain it - is it projection, is it her own anxiety...resentment...? She's just awful - doesn't want me to have things - wants me to give my food to her kids, rips into the things I say like they are so stupid, gets impatient so quickly, becomes so argumentative and I just feel attacked... Then for absolutely hours, she socializes with our neighbour and I sit upstairs and listen to her being so warm and engaging and lovely. I remember that lovely woman from when we first met. Will I ever be on the receiving end of that again? I'm getting so much better at not 'reacting' - but still feeling so sad that she just seems happier with other people. I know half of it is just feeding her need for attention from others, but she's so 'on' and happy and laughing. I know I shouldn't compare to how she behaves with me, but it's so hard. Maybe if I could better understand WHY she treats me this way? OMG this is my life! Watching her socialize with friends and being so happy and nice. It's so bleeping hard to watch. When I would say something she would reply with gee you think I'm sleeping with everyone. NO that's not it. I want that attention from you when we interact. I want that sweetness again. I get so envious of these "friends" (and she has many) getting all the good pieces of her and I get nothing. Then she plays off...I can't talk to anyone because you will accuse me of cheating. Then she tells her friends I'm accusing her of cheating and I look like the jerk. That's not what I said...I just want some intimacy with you, intimacy you have no problem giving to "friends" so am I a little jealous, yes, am I resentful that I don't get that, yes. Here is my take on it. I think she's sucking these people in...so she can have them in her back pocket if need be. This isn't the real her. The real her is what I see. That's my take on it. ((Hugs) SH4 |