BPDFamily.com

*mod note: this thread was split from a previous discussion found here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339163.0 (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339163.0)

Hi red

So he never really  talks about his childhood. So everything I know has been pieced together from him and other family members

His mum was 12 when she got pregnant. 13 giving birth. His dad was mid 20s. His grandmother for the dad arrested. His mum then begged the grandmother to release him from jail claiming she loved him. The grandmother visited the dad in jail and said I’d drop the charges if you marry her. The grandfather had died the precious year.

He was born very prematurely and the grandmother nursed him to health. The dad went to do the mandatory military service which in those days was 2.5 years. according to my partner. His mum didn’t pay much interest in him and was just playing as she was so young so the grandmother did everything.

The dad came back from military. They got married. Think by then she was 16 and so legally allowed.
This part I learnt from his mum. He then lived with his grandmother  whilst his parents set up home and his sister was born. He visited them every 2-3 weeks. Refused to acknowledge the sisters. Clung to his mums legs and refused to leave when the hour visit was up. The grandmother had to pull him away. This went on until he was 7 when he finally went to live with them. He has never told me any of that

At around 11/12 when he then had a new baby brother the day went bankrupt. By all accounts he was very well off. He skipped country. My partner was then left as the man of the house. At 12 he had to help find money for rent. So effectively gave up at school and concentrated on football.

Somehow he was able to live at the accomadation for the main team despite being in the junior team. Somewhere between age 13-15.  He sent all money to support his family. He didn’t have enough to eat. Was very skinny. The main team used him as there run around always giving him jobs to do or sending him to buy things. He’s old friend from that time told me him and his family felt so sorry for him they would call him for dinner at least 3 times a week.

The dad came back from Belgium after 3 years. But has always been dependant on him and his football career to pay his debts. All his family have.

For eg when his mum came to visit once she  was jealous of our new smart tv and demanded he buy her one.

This causes friction for us.

Wow...  red-flag red-flag red-flag red-flag

How much do you know about what his internalisation of that experience might be? I found reading a book called toxic parents extremely enlightening into a world I’d not had any exposure to... well actually after reading the book I established I had, just never dug enough into my own FOO to join the dots.

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2cxCygAACAAJ&dq=toxic+parents+book&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiMtpGvirjkAhVHQRUIHQNkCKUQ6AEIJzAA

... blackorchid,

Well there it is... I am telling you, behind every cluster -B- there is a dysfunctional Foo,’every time’.

 :caution: triggering -

My first wife was sexually abused by her half brother, an uncle, and a step dad, age 5-12.

I was married to her for 21 years, we married at ages 16 & 18, I had gotten her pregnant.

I was utterly clueless... a very very long story.

She was a mess, lots of problems... I should write a book.

And then after five years as a single dad after she abandoned us... I met, dated and married another troubled woman... I can see all the red flags now... and I am only now understanding “why” I am, was attracted to wife #2, yeah,

I’m going to lay some truth down here, please dont take it the wrong way...

Based on what you wrote... and what I think I understand...’after decades’ in this type of relationship...’relationships’’... this is what I know, this is what I have come to understand... through years of hurt and heartbreak...

You are not going to fix this man, he is a very injured soul, you are going to suffer for as long as you are with him, you must see the patterns by now,

If you stay with him... you are going to hurt ever more deeper and deeper... he is not gong to ever change until he reaches the absolute rock bottom... and after he destroys everyone and everything in his life... this is what these poor souls do...

There are many books on the subject... this is generational... and cultural... you are a traveler in a foreign land quite literally...

I am sorry... so sorry...

I tried to save my first wife... and it almost killed me, I had three kids with her... that’s why I stayed... for 21 years.

You need to immerse yourself in this, educate yourself... read everything you can on this... learn learn learn...

Your own self worth depends on this... if you let it overtake you, you will become lost in this... his borderline... and he may be comorbid as well...

He is a human mental refugee... he had it very hard his whole childhood and yong adult life...’and you can’t fix that’...

Again... I’m so sorry...

Best advise is to seek a good and versed therapist to provide for yourself validation of your husbands mental disorder.

If you stay in the maririage... if he recyocles you... he will only repeat this behavior towards you... this is as I said... a deep rabbit hole...

He is a poor wounded child inside... and he probably always will be... if you stay with him... you are going to have to become self dependent... you are going to have to sustain yourself... he is never going to be able to give that to you... I doubt ever...

Keep posting...’Red5’

My dear girl...

Red is so right.  And I am so sorry.  You want to, but you cannot fix the terrible things that were done to your bf during his younger years.  And sadly, each time he interacts with his family, I believe those things are reinforced.

You cannot love him to wellness.  If HE does NOT seek help, how he handles life will not change.

My 61 yo uBPDbf is now asleep on the couch in my very dark house for the third straight day.  The hurricane shutters are up.  No lights are on.  I’m on the outside patio and I cannot make any noise.  I don’t want him to “lose it”.  He returned Sunday evening from being with his 83-year old mother (and other family) for over 3 weeks.  It is now Wednesday evening...  That “vacation” , More OBLIGATION, has triggered him terribly.  He is thinking he has to quit his amazing job and move overseas to escape his mother.  I just don’t want him to have a heart attack.

So you see, the triggers don’t go away with age.    I can try to keep him calm, but my entire life is on hold and if he becomes filled with RAGE tonight and I become his target, “WE” may end tonight.

It can be a sad and painful existence...

You’re young.  This is the time for you to look at yourself and really try and understand what role your childhood and FOO has played in how you view yourself.  Can you do that?

We can help you.  I believe a part of our draw to our partners are the wounds in us.  And when we move forward toward healing our own wounds, our decisions around our relationships can be made more wisely and in a more healthy way.

What do you think?

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

Okay, you’ve had a couple of views there from Gems and from Red, both are voices of experience in multiple long term relationships with people with significant childhood trauma. I think it’s fair to say that neither knew about BPD during the early stages of their relationships and I also think it’s fair to say that both see changes in their relationships now that they do. Red, although now separated from his 2nd wife understands the dynamic with his wife and how he contributed to the drama and how he fuelled conflict. Not to speak for Red but I think he often wishes his wife was back home with him since he now sees the relationship in a different light, and although knows as he said that he can’t solve his wife’s problems he might be able to respond differently and massage outcomes. It’s clear from what Gems wrote that she now understands when her BF is likely to be triggered and thinks smart about what to do... none of this is optimal, I’ll not sugar coat it, it’s never going to ‘easy’ as others might have it, BUT, there are things you can do to change some of the interplay between you.

As Red said, it’s very very very important that you educate yourself. Education is your shield that protects your heart. Understanding is your helmet that protects your head, along with journaling and talking with T’s and the board. Communication tools are your sword and boundaries are your fortress. Once you have these things in place you will be able to make vastly better choices. A choice could be to let the relationship die and walk away, another choice could be that you work on the relationship... the latter is going to be dependent on your BF returning, but you have the choice whether or not you open the door again to him and under what terms.

You’re in a vastly improved situation now that you have some insight into what the heck is going on. It’s sad to say that there are many many people with childhood trauma and there is a commonality in expression. So, regardless of the outcome with your BF, your learning here is an invaluable life skill.

See in colour,

Enabler

So beautifully written, Enabler.  And you’re right.  Because of what I’ve learned here ... the communication tools, when my bf finally opened his eyes late tonight we had a two hour conversation where he calmly expressed his turmoil.  And NONE of it was directed at me.  He told me how safe he felt.  Those were new words.

So dear blackorchid- please do utilize the wonderful tools and listen to the experience here.  These are amazing life skills to foster a happier future.

And I don’t know any other place where people offer more unselfish kindness and support than this community.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

Enabler,

This was all great advice and wonderfully worded!

SH4

and I'll even give you a wonderful tune to listen to

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xffuHHjO_Us

Awesome film as well... Wonder

Brand new eyes - Bea Miller

When I'm looking at myself
I see a thousand perspectives of me
Everyone is letting me show
A side of myself I can't see

I'm wide awake now, I'm free of the doubt
Don't wanna look down
And if I fall out, I lay on the ground
And look to the clouds

It's like I got brand new eyes, and I can finally see
What has always been right there in front of me
And with these brand new eyes I'll take in everything
And I will finally see me

I can finally see
I can finally see it
I can finally see
I can finally see it

Couldn't let the world decide
All of the things that I can or can't do
What if I had taken all the things
That broke me and made them my truth

I'm wide awake now, I'm free of the doubt
Don't wanna look down
And if I fall out, I lay on the ground
And look to the clouds

It's like I got brand new eyes, and I can finally see
What has always been right there in front of me
And with these brand new eyes I'll take in everything
And I will finally see me

I can finally see
I can finally see it
I can finally see
I can finally see it

Oh-oh-oh
Oh-oh-oh

How are things going today, blackorchid?

RC

firstly, thank you everyone for your messages, I was feeling really down and then a friend turned up with her suitcases to stay yesterday and i havent had a minute to myself to sit and process and reply, i will

but first I please need people's help and advice  :help:

at 00;04 he messaged me what are  you doing, I was on a phone call.

about 5 minutes later the doorbell went and i thought it must be him. my friend was sat in the living room. I went to answer and no reply on the intercom, it buzzed again.  Still no reply, I figured it was him, opened the main door and watched from the spy hole.  It was him, I opened the door, he made a big fuss of our dog and then asked to go to the toilet. He used the one in the hallway. I waited in the hallway.  he came out and started to walk towards the living room and I said A__ is in there, he turned on his heels and as fast as he came he marched out.

then he messaged that he only came to see the dog and to collect his things, have a nice time with ann

about an hour later he messaged to say he has a new girlfriend (said the same last year, im sure hes lying), i didnt respond,  10 mins later he said i will block you, i said why he said he will cancel all utilities tomorrow i said why he said because he wants to  now he is messaging we finished do you believe it, he sent a photo of him and a girl now and then deleted it

he just blocked me


he dislikes this friend who is staying here.

she lives in england and came on holiday for a month, she stays with her turkish friend, but she had a fight with her. so yesterday she came to stay with me, more told rather than asked, im unsure if she will be staying until 30/09 or if she will move somewhere else

i was nervous of her coming and worried about what would happen if he showed up and found her here, i had no idea that it would be so soon

Hi blackorchid-

How do you feel about A potentially staying in your home (without asking) until September 30?  Boundaries?

I am NOT one to speak loudly here... historically I had no boundaries with ANYONE.  But after some hard hard work, and understanding of my codependency (my deep need to be pleasing), things have changed.

Has she done this sort of thing before, i.e. had a sudden conflict with other friends, left them and landed unannounced at your doorstep?  Don’t be too surprised if you notice similar behaviors in your friend that you see in your bf.  This may give you an opportunity to use some of the communication tools.  And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

As for your bf’s behavior, nothing surprising there, don’t you think?  In his mind, he comes over just after midnight and there you are, with a friend “having a grand ole time”.  Twisted, yes.  Surprising?  No. 

His reaction?  Overreaction.  Threaten to Turn off the utilities.  “Prove” he’s replaced you with some photo.  Block you because you didn’t respond.  Kids stuff from an emotionally wounded guy.

I’d say if you have email access to him, take a selfie of you with your dog, send him the photo with a one liner that says, “we both miss you”.  Of course IF that’s what you feel, AND you want to reach out to him.

And then when you have quiet, I encourage you to go back and really, thoroughly read through the responses you’ve received here.  Please, blackorchid... there is some very good and thoughtful insight in the responses.

I know this is painful.  And if you feel it is best for your friend to make other sleeping arrangements for a few days, then you are allowed to tell her to do just that.

Your thoughts?

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

Thanks for the reply gemforeyes

I was planning On going through and reading everything. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m ignoring them or don’t appreciate their help

She’s never done this sort of thing before. And I know she only speaks to us 2 who live here and 1 couple who also holiday here. So I don’t know if she has anywhere else to go. Although your comment about pleasing others has just struck a chord on me as I guess I’m the same. She had a legitimate reason for the  fight.  We have a lot of street dogs here.  She was walking her friends dog when a street dog attacked and she defended her friends dog and got bit. The friend then had a go at her for not walking the dog long enough and asked if the dog was ok. She never asked her if she’s ok or gave her anything to clean it with. She left to go out with her friends. Didn’t ask her anything. Sent her a message to walk the dog again as it  wasn’t long enough. Which is when she started packing her bags.


Yes, that’s exactly what I know he’s thought when he saw me.

The email idea is good. Should I do it immediately or when there’s he’s had a bit of time to cool off? A Turkish friend here said I should explain that she’s here to help me with waking daisy because of my foot. But I didn’t think that was a good idea.


I’ll try and brooch the subject with her but I think it will end up as a lost friend.

Thank you, black orchid

I need to get to sleep, but want to quickly respond.

If A is a long-term and close friend, I’m sure you don’t wish to lose this friendship.

Since your bf apparently loves dogs, I think sending him an email telling him the truth of what took place with A’s visit is the best thing to do.  Why Lie when there is nothing to hide?

You can add that you were surprised and happy to see him the other night.  And that because of A’s unexpected visit, you felt awkward because you would have loved to have sat with him; but you WERE very happy to see him and hope to see him when he’s feeling up to it.  Something like that.

And a few days later... send the photo of you and your Daisy.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes 

Thanks gemforeyes

Thank you for replying again. Have a nice sleep.

I’ll try the email. Thank you again. Much appreciated.

 Red I'm so sorry for all your 1st wife went through and for the impact that had on you.

I know that he is wounded inside and that's why I find it so hard when he runs to their defence and help everytime. I'm trying to do my best to learn as much as I can now but it's quite hard with the housemate I have acquired as she seems to be always beside me and I can never get a chance to come on this forum.  I'm sorry for my silence. Thanks for the book recommendation Enabler I'll get the e-book.

A human mental refugee, that really resounded with me Red, maybe that's why he does everything for them because he is desperate for their love and validation?

Hi Gemsforeyes, I hope that things are better and calmer in your house now.

I'm going to start thinking about that about my wounds and my FOO, does anyone have any advice on how?

I've been looking around for a therapist here but have been unsuccessful, so I'll start looking for one online...unsure how it'll work but willing to try.

Yes! Thank goodness for this forum and each and everyone of you who has replied, the support it gives me is everything at the moment.  Thank you

Hi blackorchid-

I hope you’re feeling well and that your foot is healing.  I also hope you’re enjoying your visit with A.  You ARE allowed to enjoy that visit!

I want to tell you that even though I do see a T, a large part of my self-reflective work, especially around my codependency, has been through reading and watching you tube videos.

I was not aware of what codependency actually was, and when I first read the list of traits, I was highly offended.  Not ME !  But then I found a you tube counselor who explained the traits in much KINDER terms.  I suggest you put on your headphones and give this a listen:  “Julia Kristina, codependency, you tube.”  The video is 12:38 long (12 minutes, 38 seconds).  She’s a therapist from Canada and explains things very kindly.  She’s got other videos as well.

Even with your friend visiting, you deserve to take 45 minutes or an hour each evening, tell A you’ve got to do your therapy, and do this for YOU.  NOT doing this for you is engaging in codependent behavior.  You’ll understand what I mean after you listen to the video.

As far as looking at issues with my FOO, I took time to review my relationships with my family members, my interactions, and how I was relied on to solve EVERYTHING.  All the time.  I still am.  I’m the “fixer”.  That’s a role I’m trying to step away from.  That’s a codependent role, and lots of times it places me in a “no win” situation.  There are other things where I see my mom tries to put me at odds with my disordered sister... but I recognize that and don’t allow it.

In addition...my uBPDbf knows I do therapy.  When he’s here and napping on my couch, I actually come to this forum and read.  When he wakes up, even if I’m posting and he asks what I’m doing...I say “my therapy”.  He says “okay” and he waits until I’m done.  He respects my space and privacy with what I’m doing.  Because things are so MUCH better between us.

So take YOUR step, my friend!  Live the joy with your friend there, while at the same time doing what you NEED to do for yourself.

Warmly,
Gemsforeyes

What are your thoughts on the main issues you're bringing from your FOO?  What aspects of your key relationships there do you think left you with enduring vulnerabilities or not-so-healthy behaviors?

RC

Hi gemforeyes,

thanks for the link, I watched it, apart from I find it hard to say no to people I'm unsure if I am codependent, but I will read some more.

My main problem with my friend being here is that she wants everything on her terms. She is quite a negative person about everything and everyone. She has a S*** job make home 24/7 carer and so has no social life there, therefore here she wants to be out every night and up and out early every morning. that doesn't suit me. I have my dog to walk in the morning and it's the first week back to school this week so I am trying to get into the flow of my new program and so being out doesn't suit me. I also crave alone time, so just having her around is quite hard.  My partner knows me well and knows when to just leave be me or not and she doesn't. Her negativity and judgemental attitude is draining and she is a heavy smoker, despite me telling her not to she keeps walking through the living room in the morning to have her first smoke of the day.  Ive told her to use the upstairs balcony, she keeps saying she forgot. The smell of smoke on her breath is nauseating as Ive never been around a chain smoker.  Ive actually never spent a lot of time with her, when she lived here I didnt know her, she watched my dog once and then left a few weeks after.  She loved my dog and used to message about her and then her new job in England was in my city and so she asked to meet me when I was home for xmas.  More than anything I think Im too empathatic and felt sorry for her having no friends and family, (she has 1 friend here and 2 in scotland) she was suicidal after leaving Turkey and so I met her.  That turned into a phone friendship and so this is the first time I have been with her for prolonged periods.  I dont think a lunch break meeting once or twice a year is a basis to know a person? if that makes sense.

Radcliff Ive never thought about my FOO until Red said it.  My childhood was good. My parents were always much more stricter on me than my siblings, and as I was very academic a lot of pressure was put on me. To this day my FOO are not pleased with my choices of living here both in terms of job and partner as they say "i put my life in the bin". In my teens I realised my parents, particularly my dad has an alcohol problem. more functional alcoholic,  even typing this feels like a betrayal as we were always told to "keep things in the family and tell noone our business" which my siblings hold on to until this day.
This led to my dad dying due to alcohol in my early 20s. Mum kept the cause of death a secret until I found the death certificate crunched up whilst cleaning one day. I was frustrated as i couldnt accept the no cause of death which the autopsy and toxology reports initially said , as my degree was in a biological field.

after that mums alcohol problem got worse. my siblings refused to accept it and it has led to a lot of tension and conflict between us.

tbh i think that whenever things get tough in FOO i find it hard to handle my partner.  So with my sister and mum being in the country I was stressed and i think my partner probably was too. (unclear at this stage as havent spoke to him about it) but it was the first time he saw my mum since last year when they had a massive argument

my sister was hard when she was here. apart from being stressed for the wedding, I felt belittled by them both constant talk about my lack of money (in their mind) and how I shouldnt have a day off to see them in the hotel as I cant afford it and other such convos.

The day I did my foot they also said I couldnt afford a hospital (also in their mind, they dont know my wage or hospital costs)and my sister was more concerned with me going to find new shoes for all us bridesmaids to wear. I had had  a very emotional day with them and was in agony with my foot, when my partner came home from work, I wasnt in the right state to handle him when he started to become dysregulated and JADEd maybe i put my FOO frustration onto him and probably from my foot as well I JADEd wheres usually I know when he talks about his family to have a SET like dialogue or just listen...

Im going to start a new thread about him so I can keep this convo going

YOU MUST READ TOXIC PARENTS

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=2cxCygAACAAJ&dq=toxic+parents+book&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiMtpGvirjkAhVHQRUIHQNkCKUQ6AEIJzAA

There's a whole section on kids growing up with alcoholic parents and the family secret. You pretty much described word for word what the book says about the dynamic.

Here's the preview version

https://books.google.co.uk/books?id=5Oe-YMeCKA8C&printsec=frontcover&dq=toxic+parents+susan+forward+preview&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiS3JH0wcjkAhVTtnEKHeLXAj4QuwUILjAA#v=onepage&q=toxic%20parents%20susan%20forward%20preview&f=false

thanks enabler, ill get it on my kindle today

Hi blackorchid-

I only have a bit of time right now and I want to address the issues with your surprise guest first.  I’ll speak with you later about the other things.

First,  it’s very gracious that you’ve welcomed her into your home.  You had NOT planned on having a visitor and you are NOT on holiday.  There is a gentle way to remind her of the differences between your schedule and hers.  In addition, due to her visit, there may have been missed opportunities for conversations with BPDbf.  Did you fully explain to him why she’s in your home?

I’ve visited Turkey and there were loads of incredible things to do and places to visit.  Perhaps suggest that she look into some of those to entertain herself.  You say she lived there, so she may know this already.  Kindly explain that you haven’t got the time to be her full-time hostess, and that with your schedule and mindframe (NOTHING to do with her / no blame) you NEED certain amounts of quiet time here and there for study and reflection.  This is your personality.  And nothing personal, but you are NOT in a position to be out partying at night.  (YOUR boundary = your values).

Regarding the smoking. That’s a HARD boundary and a matter of respect.  No one repeatedly  “forgets” that request.  If she cannot honor that, then perhaps she needs to make alternate plans for accommodations.

And.. negative talk (uggghhh!). I’d say, “A, you’re on holiday, and this negativity is really dragging me (and you) down, and that can’t feel good”... and blackorchid, feel free to ask her: “what can you do to help yourself feel better?”

But all of this is me, blackorchid.  I’ve worked really hard so that in MY home I no longer HAVE to accept toxic people and damaging behavior.  I did it for years... silently catered to every need of everyone (against my wishes).  Very demanding people (my exH and his life-sucking family)... that was MY fault, not theirs.   My home is now my sanctuary.

My dear friend, I know you haven’t got the time to learn the communication tools while she’s visiting.  But... when I say those tools help more that just your relationship with your BPDbf, I am NOT kidding.  The tools make a world of difference in most relationships, whether you’re emotionally close to the people or not.

Boundaries work the same way.

Your thoughts?

Gems

hi Gems,

thanks for the reply.

yes i fully explained to him why she's here.  he didn't really say much about it.

I have tried talking with her but she doesn't listen  says I'm just moping around after that a**hole and shes not going to let me do it. Im going out.  In regards to him coming the other night (explained on new post) she was quite angry with me in the morning. angry that he woke her up. angry that he thinks he can just waltz in here when she's staying and he doesnt live here now anymore. etc etc

She has cut ties with everyone here barr me and this woman who she has now had the fight with and so says she cant go out alone except to the beach in the day.

It would be interesting to hear how you changed to not let toxic people into your home.  my home is my sanctuary too.

I will keep reading and trying to learn the tools. Right now Im feeling down and so I will get to proper reading later.

Thank you

Blackorchid

Hi Blackorchid,

I'm sorry you are struggling with your friend.  I agree with Gem about the smoking in the house.  If that is your hard boundary you have the right to enforce it.

You are trying to pull yourself/keep yourself together during this difficult time and you shouldn't have to deal with her negativity.

Thinking of you ((Hugs)

SH4

Thanks SH4

I know you've got your hands full, and may not be able to follow up immediately, but have you ever considered going to Al-Anon, the group for families of alcoholics?  There's at least some presence in Turkey, but I don't know how much.  It may be worth dropping into a few meetings when you're back home on holiday, and perhaps reading some literature on your own.  There are many adult children of alcoholics who are benefiting from the program.  You might also look for books for adult children of alcoholics.  So many people have experienced the dynamics you grew up with, and fellowship with them can make a huge difference in healing and growth.

RC

Thanks RC. I Have been speaking to them for a few years. Read up on it as well. There’s no presence where I am but thankfully their email support has been amazing. I’m in a better place now because of it where I don’t blame myself.

Great, I'm very glad to hear you've got support from that program as well!

You asked about how to make the shift to not having toxic people in your home.  For me the key was to prioritize relationships with healthy boundaries over maintaining the relationships at any cost.  As long as I wasn't willing to risk the relationship, I was unable to have boundaries, and the other person knew this, either consciously or unconsciously.  I'm not saying to throw the relationship under the bus, just the opposite, but it was important for me to not let fear of losing the relationship hold me back.  I realized that if I did my best to establish healthy boundaries, then I was actually doing everything I could to help the relationship, even if the other person might accuse me of ruining it.  They are the ones who decide how they respond.  I did this with two important relationships at roughly the same time.  One of them ended, and one of them shifted to a much healthier place after years of both of us doing a dysfunctional dance.

RC

Hmm that’s interesting. Ok something for me to work on. Thank you. I think I’m guilty of that with friends and then it gets to the stage where I look back and see how much I’ve done above and beyond for them and when I need something they’re not there. Then I’ve noticed as soon as I’m not readily available to them they cut me off. Something to definitely keep in mind. Thanks RC.

*mod*

This thread is being locked as it has reached the maximum post limit.  Feel free to start a new thread.

Thank you.