BPDFamily.com

I have posted here before but I need some help with how to channel anger. I'm coming off an anxiety medication I should have never been put on which causes anger but so much from my life is coming up I don't know how to process it.

My BPD Mom abused me physically and emotionally as a kid. My father was emotionally manipulative and verbally abusive. My whole childhood is very dark. My Mom turned the family against me so I was the scapegoat so they all bully me, shun me and put me down to this day.

I should have worked hard in life and got away from my family but instead I became a punching bag for people like my parents. In school and work. People I thought were friends ended up being cruel and manipulative and throwing me away.
People have called me ugly, a bitch not because I was acting like a bitch because I've always been overly nice and shy but as an insult for no reason etc... This is not just once. This is lots of situations and people.

Sometimes its people I don't even know like I was with one of my brother's girlfriends once and I ran into a friend of his we met on the street I had heard about but never met and he asked 'why she was hanging out with my brothers name lame sister.'

I drove by an old apartment the other day and I had forgotten how two of the neighbor ladies were always mean when I said hi and knocked on my door once and started laughing at me.

It's still happening. People pick me out of groups and mess with me. I don't want to become an angry person back. I don't want to keep dealing with this anymore. I'm afraid I'm gonna start blowing up on people who don't deserve it. I can't change the innate me who sadly goes into the world all loving over and over and gets eaten up.

 I literally already had a breakdown in my life from all of the abuse. I can't keep doing this. Maybe there is something wrong with me and I am just a lame looking person. I really am done. I'm so angry.

 Even the way my siblings treat me is horrible even though I devoted my life to caring about them. Now I'm 40 and have nothing in life. I should have stood up for myself sooner but it seems like most everywhere I went and although I've gotten somewhat stronger its still happening. There are some exceptions of people loving me but they are far and few between for all the hate.

I don't know what to do when people start treating me cruel.  Sometimes it's not so direct but laughing at me,  passive aggressive stuff. The sad thing is I want to love all of them. I want to be everyone's friend.

I'm so angry at my family and siblings for realizing now how terrible they have treated me as the scapegoat child after years of me unconditionally loving them and taking all the abuse from my parents. They are successful in life so is half of my Mom's family who mistreats me. They are CEO's of humanitarian organizations. My brother is in the public eye and talks lovingly about my abusive father. The same abusive father who called me a nasty person almost everyday for years while I hid and chain smoked and cried. I eventually ran away and was living as a homeless kid for a bit sleeping under underpasses. They all including my father have had positions of power. I ended up on disability after my breakdown which my BPD Mom loves. Every time I talk about going back to work she tells me not to or tells me it's fine if I make nothing of myself. After my breakdown she wanted me to get a medical alret braclet and wanted me to be her "special needs kid" and people around her did start talking to me like I was mentally retarded. Even though I've always been wildly independent and def. pretty smart. She loved it. She wants to suppress my every move in life. She always has. It's very disturbing. When I first got friends of my own when I was 12 she started holding me down and smothering my mouth so I couldn't breath. She has tried to do that my entire life in a way.
She loves that I don't have children in life and tells me I'm prob going through menopause and she is so glad she doesn't have grandchildren like its all about her. She doesn't want any yet she is wildly jealous of my 20 some year old cousin who shuns me but is friends with her. She's always telling me how she will prob. just have children in life and her father is prob getting her thru school by doing all her schoolwork.

I need to get away from this toxicity. I'm lonely but man if people don't just keep treating me poorly elsewhere in life. Its like I'm marked and people know they can kick me around even nice people who I'm like really go ahead and mess with me. I'm 40 and getting snubbed and my comments deleted by people I though were my friends on social media because I had a very toxic best friend for years who dropped me after I had a breakdown and is saying who knows what about me still to get all this hate from grown women.

At this point my life is too complex and messed up for normal people. They have families and nice things going on. My life is terrible. I can't share all this with normal people they have normal problems hence the internet.

What to I do to get people to stop treating me bad and bullying me as an adult? How do I stop from letting it get me angry. Its just messing with my life which I guess is what they want but why do people want to be hurtful?

I have no idea what’s wrong with people. It’s like the world is going mad.
So sorry for what you have been through and are still hurting from in your daily life.

I personally now feel if I love myself and have at least 1 good friend, I can get through this.

Of course, I love animals and they are therapeutic.

Trusting people becomes harder and harder.

Geez, just reading some of the comments on YouTube is mind boggling. Total lack of empathy!

All I know is that you definitely not blame yourself! There are flaws in the human code.

“family” is becoming less of an important thing for me. I always longed for my own. Now I’m kinda glad I didn’t have 1! I just shake my head and can’t understand how anyone could be so gosh dang mean.

Don’t let it jade you. Keep on keeping on and to heck with them.

Hi Cloudy   :hug:

I think as you work on healing and getting to know yourself as you are rather than through the distorted filters of your family, you will begin to see a change in how the people around you respond.  Well, except for family members, that is different.  I know for me, I had some ogf what you experienced and as I got healthier, I had fewer people around me who treated me in the ways you describe here.

"We teach people how to treat us."  It took me a long time to figure out what that meant for me and how I could change things.  I taught people it was okay to teat me poorly and even cruelly as I walked around wearing my heart on my sleeve, was obviously depressed, very sensitive (overly so) and I did not know how to respond when people treated me poorly.  I had no boundaries and I let others define me (poor self differentiation).   Working on me and differentiating and healing has changed that.  Now, I can shut things down with a look or a few words (knock it off said with confidence and no anger) and then just carry on.

Things can get better for you as you work on healing your past wounds.  I am not saying you are responsible for these people being mean and cruel.  I am saying that often we have learned certain ways of interacting with people given our childhoods that leaves us open to a lot of abuse by others.  Yes, it is wrong for them to do that and they are responsible for their actions not us.  We though are responsible for protecting ourself and enforcing our own boundaries regarding what we will and will not allow.   Many people, not all, but many, will prey on those they see as being weaker and who will tolerate their bad behavior. 

Does that make sense?

Hi Cloudy,

I am/was the scapegoat in my family, and thought no one in the world could be worse than my family. I was too nice as a young adult thinking it would be reciprocated. Many co-workers and so-called friends took advantage of me.

I learned the long, hard way how to spot it quickly and shut it down early. My favorite thing to ask  them in a deadpan voice - is there a problem? - can be like magic. Watch them melt in shame.  

The number of people doing this  has decreased. However, there are people who are simply no good. They persist despite my angriest looking resting b  ! tch face and sharp warnings and is there a problem questions. I avoid, ignore or go NC.

I've discharged pent-up anger by punching a pillow, writing my feelings down in a journal, etc. There are other safe and healthy ways to get it out of your system.

I just started therapy for this same "stuff."  I am journaling a little bit, listening to funny things, lighthearted things or uplifting books as much as I can.
I am not sleeping good, and it's worse in the daytime, because my head is a constant place of pain for me right now.  I just had an event with my family and it is always terrible before and after these.
This time I started therapy and I never knew a week could be so long (between visits). I need to find out how to better survive this week at my next visit and before the one after that, because I feel like an alcoholic trying to stay sober in a bar almost around the clock...(in my head and alone, but nowhere really constructive to go to be around others).
I have such low self esteem atm that I dont trust myself to make any plans with anyone that aren't going to be pretty short.  I need time to heal this time, because something broke inside me when things with my own child got so bad and I needed to do something...so I started working really hard on that...and she and I started that together...then I realized so much about myself and the constant abuse of my family and the bigger picture...the roles all of them play in it.  I've only been to therapy once and have no clue when we get to all that...but I am not handling right now, at all.
Just doing the best I can with the information I have and trying to get a little more information to make things better.

Cinnamonx7 Thanks! I'm the same way if I have just one good friend I feel better but I don't right now in my life. I feel very lonely and isolated. I moved and I have people in this town who want to hang out but I don't feel ready to start a friendship with whats going on with my life right now. Even just some people that I'm friends with even not close has helped me in my life.
I agree with the Youtube channel comments. Its terrible but thats a good way to put things in perspective. Thats just the way many humans behave these days. It's amazing even the couple of celebrities I follow for fun on instagram how many mean comments people will write about their pictures.

TelHill I'm so sorry you lived thru this too and are prob. still dealing with it. It's so isolating. Thats good you found a way to shut it down. I know I would feel bad shutting it down like that even though thats how the world works and sadly I think what you have to do to get some people to respect your boundaries. I think its my BPD Mom training me to always "be nice" and put everyone's feelings before my own. Sometimes I can be strong and shut it down once like that but its hard to stay in that mode and I think people sense that about me. I need to work on it.

Harri Yeah that makes sense. Its funny because I was just living in a town other than my hometown and I feel I was much more confident and its not like I made a ton of close friends there but I made some casual friends and acquaintances and everyone was respectful of me and some still tell me how much they miss me. I felt very confident.  I had a future mil there with BPD traits who didn't treat me right but everyone else was nice. I really regret that I moved back to my hometown. Its triggering so much trauma and insecurities from my past. I've already got a person at a place I go regularly who singles me out and treats me poorly. I really think my confidence here is destroyed.  I didn't realize how bad my hometown where much of my family still is effects me. I've also had not so great interactions with them which I think wears down on myself esteem. Nevermind my BPD Mom is moving back to the area now that I'm here and is supposed to take care of my 90 year old grandmother which is not going to last. She started acting abusive to her. I really don't wanna be around any of it.

LoveOnTheRocks So sorry you are dealing with this too. I guess it can be common for us with BPD parents. So good though you started therapy and recognized these patterns of abuse in your family so you can shield your own child. I'm very sad I don't have a kid but I would need a lot of resources and money to keep them away from my family and my own strength to raise them without support. My Bpd Mom would very possibly try to take a kid away from me if I had one. I don't know how similar your situation is but the way my family treats me there is no way I would bring a child around that. Only a select few of them and none of them could be regularly in their life. I guess that tells me I shouldn't be around them either really. It's funny how many boundaries I think I would put up if I had a child. I'm working on self esteem in therapy too. My therapist says it's often formed at a young age so it can be hard to back and relearn it. I think we can do it though. At least maybe some. I hope you can get some sleep soon. Don't be too hard on yourself.