BPDFamily.com

Mod note:  This is a continuation of Part 1 located here:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=338902.0

Hello everyone!

Just dropping in to ask others out there how they would take this.  I am bouncing this off of others because I do realize I am a worrier and sometimes tend to ruminate too much about things (already discussed many times in my threads).  

A month or so ago, my son had our grandson on Friday night (him and his ex-uBPD alternate this day of the week), so it was his turn.  GS3 began acting ill and crying and started running a temperature.  He kept checking it off and on and when it reached 101 degrees decided to take him to Urgent Care by his home, but they were closed.  He returned home and continued to keep a watch on his temperature and it ended up climbing to 102.4, which at this point he called the doctor's exchange and he explained to the doc on call what his temp was in which he was instructed to take him to the ER at their nearest hospital.  He did this and GS3 ended up having Strep throat and was given the proper medicine/prescription.  By the next day he was on his way to recovery.  She happened to be out of town for the weekend so he also had him on Saturday, which is usually her day.

GS3 is covered by my son's insurance through his work.  There are, however, deductibles to pay, so an over $1000.00 ER bill left a balance of $400.00 which he and his ex-BPD had agreed they would split any medical costs that should come up with GS3.  

The bill balance just recently came in and she was so, so angry at him.  She told him, "Look, you need to stop taking him to the emergency room!  I can't afford half of this bill!"  

He explained to her that if it was not after hours, he would have just gone to the doctor, but since it was Friday night, he first tried the Urgent Care, which would have been a lot cheaper, but it was closed.  He said he was not going to allow his son's temperature to just continue to rise to a dangerous level without calling the doctor and he followed the doctor's advice, which was to take him to the ER.  With this, she just shook her head, said that was ridiculous, and he needed to stop going to the ER with him.

I realize I should not try to make sense out of what she said and I believe my son acted appropriately.  She refuses to split the bill and walked away acting like my son was really at fault here.  

Seeing that they are going to file papers some time soon (I hope) for 50/50 custody, this attitude toward GS3's health/illnesses is a bit scary.  I can't help worrying about the days she is in her care and what action will she take or not take?  

It's these types of things that make me realize how money really talks!  Without a ton of money, it would be nearly impossible to bring her behavior to the attention of the court system.  It would be so hard to prove, and I keep referring her to as u-BPD because I don't know if she has ever been diagnosed.  How in the world would you ever prove this and her inappropriate actions/behaviors towards her children?  This is what this whole thread was originally about.  If you don't have the money, I guess you're just stuck worrying all the time and taking chances with her child and his welfare?

This is a horrid story but good evidence - both that your son is attentive to his son's health and that mom is putting financial concerns over her son's welfare.  Document it all.  For this, it means keeping any text messages or emails about this, and having your son write a summary of the conversation and the date that it happened. 

If neither of them have much money, then your son wouldn't be at as much of a disadvantage if he decided to go "pro se" (represent himself in court).  There is a lot of information available online and usually a legal aid area at the courthouse that can provide advice or at least point him towards the right forms. There's also the option of finding a lawyer he can pay by the hour to review the forms and suggest strategies.

The immediate problem is that he's out some money.

Does he give her money for anything?

I'm sorry I'm forgetting if there is any kind of court-ordered anything in place?

Hello everyone!

WorriedStepmom, you gave me validation as to how I was feeling when I heard about this conversation about the ER.  Thank you for that.  I guess a lot of times I doubt myself if I'm making too much of something due to my anxiety disorder and tendency of worrying so much.  It was nice to hear from someone else that this was indeed a horrid story, just too bad it didn't get recorded!  Documentation is still going on, thanks to me doing it all.  It aggravates me that I have to keep asking for information but I know how important it is and my little grandson is at stake, so I will keep up on it.

Livednlearned, my son does not give her money for anything, as there is not a court-order in place yet.  I'm not sure what the stalling about this is, but he did talk to his lawyer the other day to get some questions answered.  He told his lawyer that her getting a state lawyer was not necessarily a good thing versus a private lawyer, as state lawyers have lots and lots of cases as a rule and are paid by the state, so she may not get the best representation.  My son does have the form they need to fill out and agree upon, but there is so much to discuss that I seriously doubt she will be agreeing on everything.  Basically, if it wasn't her idea, she will go against it. 

The area they live in has not had a great reputation for many years and when my husband and I went to GS3's orientation with our son, I noticed some young parents there that seemed to be missing teeth.  I thought (being pretty dense about it, I guess), wow, this is a small group of people to have 3 different parents with periodontal disease or something.  When I mentioned it to my son afterwards, he immediately said "it's called meth mouth."  I immediately started having visions of my GS3 becoming friends with a child who belongs to one of these parents and as they get a little older want to visit at each other's house.  Immediate anxiety!  Okay, this didn't happen yet and I told myself I'm just making things up in my head.  My children (as well as myself) pretty much lived in a bubble, which I can see now was not a good thing.  We were fortunate enough to go to a private school and did not encounter this type of thing.  I am in no way trying to sound better than anyone, but I really feel uneasy about my GS3 getting close with someone whose parents could be involved in something like this.  Poor school ratings for his area, and he ended up here all because this is where his ex-uBPD wanted to live, which was right my her parents.  We did not live in a high-class neighborhood by any means, but in a private school you tend to be with others who share many of your same values and lifestyle, so it worked out good for us.  Many things to be afraid for my GS3 - perhaps some imagined, perhaps not.  It's just a scary time for me as I know the ex-uBPD's judgment is not the greatest when it comes to her children.