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Title: Struggling with BPD Girlfriend Post by: Sweet_zombie_jes on September 09, 2019, 03:03:01 AM Hi,
I would never have thought to join a help forum but I am truly struggling with my girlfriend, who has been diagnosed with BPD for 20yrs only to be told by a new psychiatrist after an hour and a half she doesnt have BPD and it is just PTSD. This has caused massive upheaval and absolute turmoil. How a health professional can reverse a diagnosis and 20yrs worth of dealing with this after 1 session is beyond me. In my mind there is absolutely no doubt she has BPD. Her behaviour is extremely erratic and she kicks off over the most minor things and I am constantly walking on eggshells. She causes huge fights which escalate very quickly and go to extremes. When she is in that frame of mind there is no talking her down. She goes from everything being good to rage in the click of your fingers. Everything is either all good or all bad. During these periods there is absolutely no empathy towards me. Everything is all anger, spite and venom. She says things I would never dream of saying to anyone. If I spoke to her that way and said the same things she would never forgive me but I have to take it again and again. She very very rarely apologises for her outbursts. I just have to take it knowing another outburst is just around the corner. There never seems to be common ground or a way of calming her. When she gets like that she is so angry and I am never sure just how far she will go. She will not even allow me to walk away and calm any situations. If I go for a walk to calm things she will start messaging me abuse and swearing and making threats. When she finally stops, within a few hours of no contact she will message either with a random question and will continue to message until I answer even if that means she again begins to escalate things again. She is trying to get a reaction or is panicking. I know this is probably a result of the abandonment issues but it is seriously making me struggle. It is almost like she engineers these situations to push me away and see if I will come back, like a test with this constant push and pull of the relationship to see if I actually care enough to stick around. It’s exhausting. When there has been any sort of disagreement she goes running to her friends sending screenshots of entire conversations to them but only the ones she wants to show, she runs to other men to badmouth me, she goes onto her Instagram (the only social media platform I have) and starts posting insulting images obviously directed at me and openly flirting with other men on there too as she is trying to antagonize and hurt me as much as possible. There have been men openly flirting with her and talking about her breasts in her comments section and she saw absolutely nothing wrong with this or how it could be hurtful. She then sends me screenshots of all the bad things she is saying about me and allowing others to say about me. She admitted she specifically chooses the horrible things she sends and never sends anything nice anyone says about me. She has thrown me out of her home multiple times including in the middle of the night where I had to pay £70 on a taxi home. During arguments she has threatened to get me arrested by making false claims, she has actually hit me, has threatened suicide multiple times, when she gets to her limit she headbutts the wall going so far as knocking herself unconscious. She has even told me she wishes I would commit suicide and she would actually help and that my children would be better off without me. I need help. Title: Re: Struggling with BPD Girlfriend Post by: ColdKnight on September 09, 2019, 04:15:52 AM Hi and welcome,
Not sure how much help I can be other than to listen and understand. A few questions: How long have you been with her? Have you ever officially broken up? If so how long were the breakups and how were they resolved? And most importantly what do YOU want to do? Title: Re: Struggling with BPD Girlfriend Post by: Sweet_zombie_jes on September 09, 2019, 05:37:14 AM Hiya
We have been together nearly 2yrs. We have "broken up" in the region of 40 times. This is mainly her exploding and telling me she doesnt want or love me and not to speak to her again only for her to continue messaging and eventually allow herself to calm down. Longest the break has lasted is a couple of days. All part of the push and pull that is impacting me so much. I would like a life with her, a future ideally. I cannot continue with how chaotic things are just now. There needs to be serious changes Title: Re: Struggling with BPD Girlfriend Post by: ColdKnight on September 11, 2019, 03:46:07 AM How does she respond when you address her behavior?
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