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Title: My ex-girlfriend has BPD. How can I help myself and her? Post by: Adam Baroner on September 10, 2019, 09:21:20 PM Hello, I’m new to the group. I’ve just realized that my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (depending on the day) most likely has BPD. She is self -destructive in all relationships, breaks up with me and past partners in a loop, incoherent rage, desperate fear of abandonment, pushes me away, and then lashes out that I’m too distant. I’m constantly walking on egg shells etc...
About me: My mother has BPD and both couples and person counselors suspect my partner does as well. I use to have traits of BPD, but after 3 years of DBT/EMDR mixed with a dash of near death experiences, I’ve broke the patten internally and I do not have BPD. About her: Extremely open to therapy. She has been in therapy for 6 years for various issues, but this has not come up in her sessions. She has (in my opinion) dissociative conclusions about her past. Unfortunately she is in grief counseling after losing her only friend 7 months ago. My questions are: 1.) Would breaking the rules of “Stop Walking On Eggshells” and telling her what I think is going on be appropriate? We’re on : :help:: hiatus. This is the second time she has dumped me this year Learning the truth of my past set me free. We’ve been on and off for 7 years and we’re in our late 30s. Part of me thinks if I could get it out of my system, maybe she could too? 2.) Since I have been in chronic chaos, would dating someone new and moving on as fast as possible be appropriate? She already accuses me of abandoning her daily or does this make me a terrible person? I feel like BPD has consumed all of my life and I desperately want a fresh start. This of course validates the self fulfilling prophecy on her part. I feel very trapped. Title: Re: My ex-girlfriend has BPD. How can I help myself and her? Post by: once removed on September 10, 2019, 11:27:04 PM hi adam, and *welcome*
Excerpt Would breaking the rules of “Stop Walking On Eggshells” and telling her what I think is going on be appropriate? i think a lot of us have thought about this. while well intentioned, it generally does not go as we hope, where our loved ones see whats plaguing them, thank us, get help. the message that they tend to receive, especially from a romantic partner, is that they are defective and need to change. a person with traits of this disorder tends to have low self esteem, and may ask themselves why you are with them if you feel this way. as romantic partners, we are usually not a good messenger for this news. the good news is that we can learn the skills here to take our relationships on a healthier trajectory. there is hope. Excerpt would dating someone new and moving on as fast as possible be appropriate? generally, no. if you are done with the relationship (i am assuming you are not), grieve it and mourn it. dont short circuit the process. and in general, dont look for quick fixes. tell us more. what led up to this breakup? |