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I was involved in an injury accident yesterday.  I had to stick around of course, and the cop arrived at the end after other EMS. I had no idea how long I'd have to stick around, so I called the kids' mom to pick them up, and I suggested she keep turn on my night.  I thanked her. 

Later last night, she called.  I told her what happened, but she wasn't too interested.  She told me that it was no problem.  Curiously, she took it out on the kids, telling them that they messed up her routine.  She was going to go jogging after work.  She told me that this time of year her depression can get bad, and she pushing herself physically helps.  Changes of plans also trigger her anger. 

She told me she apologized later to our son (9).  When she tells me things like this, my impression is that it's worse than how she describes it. That she didn't mention S7 was interesting.

Though this isn't a crisis, it's a smoldering ember that isn't going to change because that's her personality. She's divorcing her husband, and despite telling me last month that she's happy, I know the Anxiety and Depression will forever lurk. She's also signaling that she's looking for a new beau already. Current stbxsd is an odd duck, but he's a known quantity. 

I try not to pry, but sometimes S9 tells me things.  He's a sharp kid. What really bugs me is that my ex finally came to terms with how much her mom messed her up, when the beating and serially cheating dad was obvious to blame, that she's engaging in a similar dynamic as her mother, a Hermit-Waif. I'm not sure if I should call her out on this, though I'd do it nicely as a could.

Turkish...not suggesting this, just asking... Has co-parenting counseling helped in the past?I

This is a big transition for the children, but it might be an opportunity for your Ex to hone some insight.

That is an interesting question I hadn't thought about. We have Kaiser HMO, which loves to shuttle mental health issues into classes and encounter groups. We did parenting classes 4 years ago. She has her T there, but whom she sees only on crisis. Our Kaiser T for the kids resigned. I really liked her. 

I'm waffling on having a straight talk with my ex.  My former T told me that he thought that (despite it all), that my ex respected me, but he warned me not to overdo it. I try to validate the kids, mostly S9, walking a fine line not to alienate.

My husband has a similar dynamic with his ex. She respects him and seeks his advice. No reason not to use that dynamic!