BPDFamily.com

Linking my other posts here for background

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=339411.0

me and my upBPD had an argument on August 7th and he split and moved out of our apartment.

Last Saturday he wanted to talk to me, I was working,  He messaged again late afternoon and again I was working. He said let him know when hes free.

When I messaged back he told me how something has changed and hes happy now. His divorced parents have got back together. We ended up chatting on/off over whatsapp for 1.5 hours. Nothing about us just family and work but nevertheless I saw it as progress. I used it as an opportunity to try and set something clear.

He came last Wednesday, before the messaging on Saturday night and left whilst i was in the bathroom. After he left he sent me a message saying that I don't respect his  family.

So whilst we were chatting about family I said "I know you think that I don't respect your family, but I do. I love and care for them very much. I hope that your parents will be happy together this time. When they come to visit Im sometimes embarrassed because of our fights or worried because the house isn't clean enough. But I'm always too scared to talk to you about this because I don't want to start  a fight."

he replied, ok no problem

i left it at that.

When he leaves like this, I usually get nasty messages from his family telling me that this is what they wanted or to hurry up and go back to your country now.  When I tell him about this when he returns he always says I must have misunderstood his family would never do that.  They want a typical Turkish housewife for him. Muslim.  Not a westerner like me.
house being clean...my house is clean...just not to Turkish standards or rather to his mums standard. 
This makes me feel inadequate.  Always has from the first day I moved here. This time they came to stay after the fight, before he moved out but whilst I was in England. She was messaging me to say how dirty my house is. She cant have a holiday because shes cleaning the filthy house. shes been cleaning for a week but its still not clean beacuse im so disgusting. Then another day she called to say it was filthy because of the dog and she wont allow her son to live here with the dog anymore.


Since saturday i didnt hear anything

Wednesday night at 3.30am he messaged hi. Then another i think youre sleeping

when i woke up in the morning I replied hi are you ok,sorry yes i was asleep

he didnt answer

this morning he has messaged  me and just wanted to know if I had seen a pair of shoes in the house that he left behind.  I said I think their in the storage cupboard with the winter shoes.  Ill check later and he said ok. I asked how work was and then he did too.

should I ask him why he was messaging the other night?

or should I just keep quiet and wait for him to keep getting in touch?

So I messaged him to say I found his shoes.

He replied. Thanks but I don’t know how I can take it. I said why. He said because I don’t want to see you again. I said. It I thought we were friends. He said yes we’re friends. But I don’t want to be friends with benefits with you * and if I see you I will want that. So that’s why.

I didn’t know what to reply. So said whatever you want.

He said I was drunk when I messaged you sorry.

I said no problem. He said whatever

* last week he was saying he wanted to be friends with benefits and he could come once a week. Since then he went quiet apart from talking about his family.


Argh

send him the shoes (give him the option), or trash them.