BPDFamily.com

 :help:
My lawyer has filed a motion to withdraw from the case--a divorce that has been going on for the past 2 years.

I have no idea how to replace this lawyer. I have very little money, and so far simply interviewing lawyers has cost me close to $1200.

Some lawyers have been way too arrogant and haven't taken time to listen to what I'm saying. Others have called the judge inadequate, my lawyer stupid, and my husband's lawyer a liar. I'm uncomfortable with that lack of professionalism. I have found one lawyer who listened and who took time to read the file, so she was prepared to talk with me. Yet, I found another lawyer who is less money and who used to be a prosecuting attorney, which makes me wonder if she'll be more apt to fight.

When faced with so many choices, I shut down, can't make up my mind. I think I need to make a decision. Soon.

Any advice would be extremely helpful..

Thanks,
TMD

That's rough. HUG.

Among other issues, I asked questions about who their typical client is, how they view the judges in my area, what their guiding principles are, what they consider their strengths to be, and how they viewed the opposing lawyer because he picked first.

It was very, very interesting. I wanted a client base with my types of issues. I wanted a respect for judges and a willingness to work with them. The question about guiding principles showed me their ethics and motivations. In the strength question, I was looking for balance. I wanted a negotiator who might be able to get it settled out of court but also a litigator who could lay a foundation for that and follow it through if needed. Some seemed uneasy when I mentioned the opposing lawyer.

Anyway, I hope that helps. It's such a hard decision. It's the kind of thing that you really don't know if your decision was good until you are well into the process. I was a mess when I signed the forms and paid the retainer, but I picked well.

I've heard AVVO.com is a place you can post about "seeking L in City, State". I haven't used it personally. Perhaps you could post "seeking L with qualities X, Y, and Z"?

We got our L after I'd chatted with a coworker and the conversation veered to his messy divorce. IIRC, he mentioned that his xW's L was actually really good/ethical, so we contacted that guy and it was a win.

You may have already tried this, but maybe put out feelers with coworkers, club/group members, friend of a friend, etc. More effort maybe, but free to do extensive networking.

Hmmm... if there's a college/univ in your area, does it have a law school? I'm not sure how to go about this, but maybe there's a way to talk with L students about L's they've worked with?

Some members have mentioned sitting in on other court cases. I think that's free. If you have the time, perhaps find a case similar-ish to yours, and if the courtroom is open, go and watch.

Just throwing some ideas out there... hope they help!

My first lawyer was a former prosecutor.  She was practicing in a neighboring county and knew she was out of her depth with my high conflict separation.  When it became clear I'd be divorcing, she recommended a lawyer in my county that she respected even though they'd been on opposite sides before.  So my divorce lawyer had 17 years experience and though I felt he wasn't quite proactive enough, he turned out fine.  (His motto was to focus on the important issues and let go the inconsequential aggravations.)

I don't know whether experience as a prosecutor matters.  It might or it might not.  Is the lawyer experienced in court, proactive, and have solid strategies?

Thank you, MeandThee,
  It is hard. My first lawyer came highly recommended. However, her strength as a lawyer is in collaborative divorce with basically reasonable people. I'd call my ex and my father-in-law a lot of things, but reasonable? Never. LOL.
  I did make a decision yesterday, and I'll update this thread.
TMD

Thank you, kells!
I did check out AVVO and Super Lawyer and a few others, and I also checked out client reviews. The lawyers who bad-mouthed everyone? Their clients loved them. It was weird.
We do have a law school, and that's a great idea.
As it turned out, I did choose a lawyer yesterday, and I'll post.
Thanks!
TMD

Thanks, ForeverDad
  I decided against the lawyer who was a former prosecutor because, like you, I wasn't sure the experience mattered. Instead, I opted for a different lawyer. I'll explain my reasoning in a general post.
Thank you!
TMD

Thank you, everyone, for getting back to me.  :hug: :hug:

Yesterday, after a great deal of anguish, which wasn't helpful, and reading these responses, which were very helpful, and talking for 45 minutes with a friend who's an employment lawyer about the situation, which was also quite helpful, I reached a decision.  :wee: :wee:

I hired an attorney, who when I spoke with her on the phone didn't come across as jumping at the chance of representing me. First thing she said was, "There have already been multiple lawyers on this case."
 
"Not with me," I told her, and then explained I wouldn't be switching lawyers but mine wanted off the case. I asked her then if she thought she'd be able to help me.

She told me she'd be willing to meet with me.

I liked the fact that she was careful not to commit and that she didn't try to talk me into hiring her.

When I met with her in-person, she'd already pulled the court papers, so she was able to have a basic understanding of the case.

I also liked that she asked me questions. Another lawyer had simply explained to me it was a simple alimony case. This case has not been simple, and had he asked me questions he'd have had a better understanding of that.

The other thing I liked about the lawyer I hired is she had a plan of action.

Still...

I couldn't decide initially because money's really tight, and I can't afford to switch lawyers again. I need to know I'm bringing one in who can seal the deal.

So, I spoke with my friend who's an employment attorney; she looked up two of the lawyers I was considering.

Lawyer I hired has been practicing since 1978, which to my friend and me, indicates there is very little she hasn't seen and very little the other side could possibly do that would throw her off balance.

In addition, her law firm (and she's partner) has turned out two judges. To me (and my friend) that means a certain level of expertise and character.

Other indicators of character: She never once bad-mouthed the other side, although she did say that the 2 lawyers who put the initial prenup together knew that it couldn't waive alimony. She also wasn't particularly supportive of our settlement facilitator being a CPA and not a lawyer.

So... I have a lawyer. I notice this morning I'm actually breathing.  :)

Thanks again, everyone!  :hug: :hug: :hug:
TMD

That must be a relief, TMD! It has to feel good to be moving forward again.

Sounds really good. Mine is an old-timer too and has a sub-specialty of divorce malpractice. so nothing phases him. He's perpetually positive about everything that has happened and has been spot-on with his predictions. That's what you want.

I'm glad you are heading in a direction you seem to feel good about.

When you have to explain why the first long time lawyer got out of the case...how do you explain it?

Best,

FF