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Title: The “Talk” ..how do I say my needs going forward? Post by: Lifeinthefastlane on September 21, 2019, 12:20:45 AM My ubpd g/f and I are talking in 12 hours - about what happened (silent treatment for a week)...
But really I plan not to JADE and not talk about the silent treatment.. the patterns of devaluation seem to be increasing over the last year. This is the problem-anytime I share my feelings about a situation about us, or answer the question she asks me z”how do you feel?” Or “what are you feeling?” , she goes into a rage/then silence then criticism. The criticism is mean —“you’re not perfect”, “you’re too nice..i now realize I have to accept this about you..”.. it used to have lots of Fxxx and anger...she hits me where it hurts with areas she knows hurts.(other directly inappropriate things i wont share here).. we’ve talked about her silent treatments many times and ironically this time she thought she improved ..(I didnt because I had asked many times for a time to check in) she has mocked my sadness/tears and in front of her kids when we were trapped in the car.. she doesnt stop when she’s angry... I want to communicate that our moving in together is on hold..I can’t move in to someone who takes their anger out on me. I want us to go back to therapy but in our last session 3 months ago it ended with “no I don’t care about [my] feelings..” when my therapist asked her. I have had it with the patterns and think it is important for her to see it. The rage and the things she says thst are intended to hurt. Now she doesnt use profanity as much because she knows iyt can be abusive. Rather she ssys now she has a right to give her opinion What do I say in the conversation? |