BPDFamily.com

I am an adult in my thirties and have been struggling with my helping my brother, who is also in his thirties and my only sibling.  He displays many BPD traits along with fairly severe depression, but he has resisted going to any kind of treatment.  I have also suffered from depression, but I had a great response to counseling and antidepressants.  I have shared my experience with my brother in an attempt to get him to go to treatment, but he says that there is nothing wrong with him and that the problem is with the rest of the world or with me.

He has always been emotionally reactive, even as a child, and his adulthood has been very rocky.  He is incredibly smart and earned advanced degrees, but he can’t keep a job, either quitting because his employer is ‘unethical’ or ‘unreasonable,’ or acting out at work in a manner that leads to his termination (often with police being called to escort him away).  He has also had very volatile romantic relationships and is always in crisis, but things have gotten to a low point in the past couple of years.  He has been unable to keep a job and has been intermittently homeless.  Over the past 15 years, I have spent tens of thousands of dollars helping him with rent, school tuition, and legal fees for custody battles for his child, and I have spent countless hours and emotional energy trying to provide emotional support, but he always ends up in the same unstable situation, making me feel like everything I spent and did was a complete waste. 

My brother is a wonderful person deep down and I love him deeply, but I feel like I am at the end of my rope, drained of any financial or emotional resources to continue pouring into him with nothing to show for it.  When I tell him I can’t afford to give him any more money, he gets very angry and belligerent. 

I know he is suffering, and I’m suffering along with him, and I don’t believe he will get better without mental health treatment, which he has adamantly refused.  Has anyone ever tried an “intervention” but for mental health treatment instead of addiction treatment?  I desperately want him to get help, and this seems like the only thing I haven’t tried.

I hear your pain as I have been dealing with several family members with BPD for my whole life. Unfortunately, there are not always immediate solutions to relieve our pain over how badly our relative with BPD is doing. I have found years of therapy and sitting quietly with my uncomfortable feelings until they dissipate the most effective ways to help myself and my family members with BPD. I find by being more responsible for my own feelings it sometimes helps those family members with BPD to behave better. We are here to support you in any way we can.There are many members on this site who are/have been in similar situations with a family member and are feeling better, sometimes even helping their family member with BPD to better cope with their challenges with BPD. There are members who have organized mental health interventions for their family member with BPD. People with addictions usually need treatment for both their mental health problems and addiction at the same time because they are dually diagnosed meaning they have both challenges with addiction and other mental illnesses, and treating all the disorders at the same time are necessary for there to be any realistic hopes for successful outcomes.

Thank you, Zachira, for the kind words.