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Title: Hopefully the end Post by: Chicagobloo on September 30, 2019, 05:01:17 PM Hey guys posted awhile back but have been working on somethings and back tracking a bit a month ago. Little background here https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=338750.msg13070498#msg13070498
It did get alittle worse as she stopped contact for 2 weeks and I ended up unblocking my Facebook just to see if she was checking and not even a day later she’s pestering me about something I posted on there. Ignored the text but deleted what she got upset about. I know weak. Couple days later I’m met with more texts about why she wasn’t good enough and the new people I know dont know me like she does and she quit her job because she’s so upset about what happened. And hits me with “I don’t know who I am without you” wow laughable moment. I don’t respond and another few days later I get more texts and a call begging me to respond and she just wants to talk and that our anniversary is coming up and that she can’t help herself and that I will have to block her to get her to stop. I texted back 30 mins later and guess what? Blocked again Laugh out loud (click to insert in post) so I leave it at that. Few days go by and a friend we had some sexual history with I messaged asking how she’s been as she came into my dealership to buy a car and has been liking my status. We start talking and she asked what happened and kept it short and polite. I ask her what happened with her and her recent bf and we kinda connected and she brought up there sex problems and me being the dumb ass that I am I told her that I could help her out with that. She said she would consider but brought up how she and my ex would hook up while me and her were together and she didn’t want me to know. I got so upset as my last bit of trust was shredded and I went nuts but not on her. I ended up calling my ex asking her about it and she asked why am I calling her with stupid PLEASE READ(wow but true I guess) she hung up and I left her 3 terrible voice mails bringing up her issues and how I never did these things to her and she missed out on something good if she treated the relationship right from the beginning. I then proceeded to rip her on 2 Facebook posts. One calling her a whore basically and the other a screen shot of a text she sent me about responding and our anniversary. Caption said about her being in a relationship but still hitting me up. I sent her best friend every text message she sent me about giving her a chance literally all the juicy PLEASE READ she probably said the opposite to them and the text from that girl about her cheating.. 4 hours later I did delete them but 2 days later I posted on reddit describing the whole relationship and how I felt I was treated ( https://www.reddit.com/r/lifeinapost/comments/cxjvzt/surving_and_overcoming_domestic_abusekinda_long/ ) You might say I’m dramatic as I’m going through therapy and trying to help myself as I have bpd also. I just went into a rage and if she’s not going to listen I want to be heard! My buddy saw her at a restaurant and said hi but she ignored and from what I was told she looks pretty lost and she was with a girl(probably the one she was cheating on me with and he told me she’s definitely not a looker) I hope she’s not on drugs but this was over a month ago now so longest she’s ever been without contact. You think my outburst has officially painted me black? Or do they come back for more chaos after being said those things? I do miss her a lot but not worth it Title: Re: Hopefully the end Post by: Cat Familiar on September 30, 2019, 10:39:49 PM So do you want to reconcile with her or do you want to let go and move on?
Title: Re: Hopefully the end Post by: Chicagobloo on September 30, 2019, 11:17:36 PM I mostly want her to know I care about her but I can’t be a doormat anymore. And for her to realize she put a big toll on me too. Whenever her chips were down I was there but never reciprocated.
Title: Re: Hopefully the end Post by: Cat Familiar on September 30, 2019, 11:23:27 PM You might be able to accomplish letting her know that you care about her.
Not so sure about her realizing that she made your life more difficult. Title: Re: Hopefully the end Post by: formflier on September 30, 2019, 11:33:46 PM I agree with Cat that "getting her to realize" (anything really) is likely beyond what can be accomplished. Please understand their thought process is significantly different than (yours/ours as nons). They fundamentally see the world (to include you) in a different way. Isn't it more important that you realize this has taken a toll on you and you take steps for upping your self care? Please take care of yourself. Best, FF Title: Re: Hopefully the end Post by: Chicagobloo on October 01, 2019, 08:40:25 AM Well I’m in therapy now sorting some stuff out but I regret saying all the mean stuff to her but I also kinda don’t either. She played the push and pull after the break up to much it just pent up. Now I gave her more ammo for her mask and flying monkeys. I just want to talk
Title: Re: Hopefully the end Post by: formflier on October 01, 2019, 10:22:42 AM I just want to talk What is it you hope to understand or gain by communicating with your pwBPD? Best, FF Title: Re: Hopefully the end Post by: Chicagobloo on October 01, 2019, 10:43:55 AM Tbh what I’d like to talk about changes every other hour tbh. From being nice to just ripping in to her. It’s confusing. There’s a lot of resentment here. All the things she said after the break up to blame me but switches to giving her a chance to then the next day “should we see other people” like the hell you just said yesterday I was your soulmate? But I guess all that stuff is irrelevant cuz that was over a month ago
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