BPDFamily.com

Looking for a good book or two to help me get out from under her control. Almost final in the divorce, but I had to give up custody of my son. I have 7 other kids with my late wife so I’m concentrating on them. Sorry for rambling

"Stop Walking on Eggshells"  - Mason & Kreger was my breakthrough book for understanding BPD

Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder by William Eddy.  He also has other books dealing with Personality Disorders on his website HighConflictInstitute.com.

Also, Divorce Poison by Richard Warshak.


Could you also explain why you're losing custody of your youngest child?  Custody as you used it is a general term than can cover a variety of aspects of parenting.

• Unless you are confirmed in court with the professionals as a risk to the child, such as substantive child abuse, endangerment or neglect, no court will award sole custody to the other parent unless you acquiesce and allow it.
• Courts default to joint custody unless there is basis for another solution.  However, courts can and do assign temporary custody to one parent in a temp order during the divorce process.  (My then-spouse had temp custody during my 2 year divorce simply because she was the mother, but it ended with the final decree.)
• In many states... "custody" refers to the manner that major issues such as medical, schooling, religion, etc are assigned.  The "parenting schedule" details which parent gets the children and when.  It may be equal time or some variation such as 75/25, etc.
• The court will also establish rules for a variety of parenting matters.  For example, both parents get holiday time, usually alternating.  Holidays get the priority, then vacations, then the regular weekly or biweekly schedule.

Please let us know what the general status is in your current divorce case.  You don't have to give up your child, almost always there is a way to hold onto at least some level of custody and parenting.

I wonder if you had to "give up custody" because you were trying to reach a deal and your stbEx refused to be reasonable in negotiations and the demands were overwhelming to you.