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Title: Afraid: BPD mother unhinged Post by: Harvest_Moon on October 22, 2019, 06:10:59 AM Hello,
I’m hoping for some guidance. My bpd mother has lived far away out of state for 20 years. I have experienced a litany of abuse from childhood. 5 years ago, after she included my son in the abuse, I went low to no contact. This year, however, I have twice received calls from the police department where she lives. Her behavior is more erratic, paranoid and aggressive than ever. There were 10 complaints against her on file from neighbors, etc. I learned she has extremely irrationally sold her house and is heading here without a plan as to where she will live. I can’t think of why she would come here other than to “see” us. I am worried for not only my safety, but that of my disabled son who lives with me as well. She has said she wants to do something “outrageous and not necessarily legal”... it’s really upsetting. Last night I received an email from her brother who is in complete denial about her. We have had very little contact throughout my life. He said he was concerned because my mother was to stop there on her way to my state and he has not been able to reach her.I am not responding to his email. What recourse do I have if she shows up at our door? I am afraid of her. She is completely unhinged. I would not rule out violence. My (adult) son is blissfully unaware of any of her recent drama and i want to keep it that way. He is deeply affected by bad behavior. I just want to live in peace. We deserve that much. Thanks. Title: Re: Afraid: BPD mother unhinged Post by: GaGrl on October 22, 2019, 03:37:17 PM Her statement about doing something outrageous and not necessarily legal could be interpreted as a threat.
Can you contact your local police about trespassing and what you can do it confronted with a mentally ill and threatening relative who has 10+ complaints on file in her previous location? Besides their advice... Do NOT open the outer door to her, should she far ve. Keep the outer (storm) door locked -- make sure your son understands that it is to stay locked. Go to the door with phone in hand in case you need to call 911. Do NOT offer to let her stay with you. In many states, if she refused to leave, it might require eviction. What is your intuition telling you might be the worst-case and health-care scenarios? Title: Re: Afraid: BPD mother unhinged Post by: Harvest_Moon on October 22, 2019, 06:38:51 PM Thank you so much for your response. I truly appreciate your thoughts about this.
Yes, I suppose I can contact the local police department. I suspect it is now bpd and dementia. I just moved and really don’t want to start out on this foot, but will, for safety’s sake. My mother clearly needs a comprehensive neuro/psych evaluation as I suggested to both people at the police department in her state. The first said my mother refused; the latter said they thought so, too, but it would be against her will and he didn’t want his staff or my mother getting hurt. He basically said it was time for me to come and collect my mother and get her help. It took 50 years and I am not removing the boundaries I finally established- for myself and now my son also. Worse case? Really? Exposing my sweet, gentle son to any of this. Screaming drama in my new neighborhood. A gun? She will never live with us, so that’s not an issue. I have seen (& have been the brunt of) my mother’s rage. All her worst behaviors have become more extreme, though, and she’s more aggressive, etc. than ever. Although she is an 82 yo woman, she looks great-much younger than her age (the last time I saw her), dresses well & is articulate.. all noted by the police, but they also knew her stories didn’t add up. I will lock the storm doors- good advice, while maintaining a normal routine in the meantime for my son. I just really want her to get the help she needs (god help the caregivers) and I want freedom from her drama and craziness. Thank you again. |