BPDFamily.com

Hi There,

My first post so please extend mercy!

Hi DB and welcome!

Can you share more with us in a second post there? 

Hi Again,

Not sure what happened to the first post I did in this thread. It seems to have been severely truncated for some reason. Based on what actually posted, you'd never know I make my living working in IT, LOL. It posted about 1 sentence of a multi-paragraph posting.

Let me try again, and thanks for your patience.

Background: I have a very dear friend that I've known for about 2 1/2 years.  In the past 6 months or so, we have grown increasingly close. Within the past few months, she's told me she has BPD. Of course, like probably millions of others, I'd never heard of it. So, I bought an Audible book - the one by Valerie Porr. Excellent from what I can tell, but I'd welcome feedback - are there better books, what did / didn't you like about the book, etc. But I digress...  To my point: I have generally 2 concerns about my friend.

1) Communication: Frequently we communicate via a very popular social media messaging service in (near) realtime.  Frequently, we'll be going back and forth, and suddenly *nothing*!  Hours often go by before the next response. Often I'll only get reaction to one of several questions or points I'm talking about - often just the last question or point gets a response. So I guess I may be 'overwhelming' her - machine gunning her with questions / thoughts, etc. However, this ties in to point #2...

2) Sleep Habits: Often she replies to my messages or texts (that were sent several hours before) at what most people would consider 'unusual' hours - like between midnight and 1:30-ish in the morning. I'll reply when I wake up later in the morning (like around 06:00 or so). But very frequently I we'll be having a great exchange going back & forth, etc; and suddenly, things will stop with no explanation.  In the past, she has attempted suicide, so that's a constant drumbeat in my head - "Is she ok? Did something happen? Or did she just fall asleep again?"  A few hours later I'll get a response with a "Sorry, I fell asleep" or "I was taking a nap" or some-such. I'm concerned whether or not these frequent "naps" have a basis in depression or a disrupted circadian rhythm or what may be causing it. If I question it, I'll often get a "Long day yesterday", "I was exhausted...", etc; (she works just a few days a week). By her own admission, she uses certain ''herbal supplements'' (gummies, smoke, etc.) for some pain issues. There's using properly, and then there's abusing. How do I discern which is which - and what needs help and what doesn't?

Are both of these related to BPD / Depression / SAD?  Are they "normal" (typical?) for BPD?  If so, I'll shut up and live with it. In any case, I want to help my friend - IF there's help to be rendered. I know she is / has completed a DBT (which I'm only scratching the surface of in my Audible book) and this reportedly has helped immensely. Neither here nor there, but there are numerous Bhuddist statuary and art around the house. She frequently meditates.

Sorry this is a mishmash of questions and statements. I'll try to get my ducks in a row for future posts. :-) 

Hmmm... I imagined a little more feedback perhaps, but ok.

Thanks anyhow.

DB,

Not really anyway to tell.  I’d have to take the messages at face value, that she’s a night person who communicates mostly at night, when sleepy.  I’ve dozed off during a late conversation myself.

A more common BPD issue is intense rage at not being replied to in what they feel is a timely manner.  I’ve gotten yelled at for ‘ignoring’ my husband when in reality I was a meeting or the bathroom. 

And supplements, again, unless you are there watching, no way to tell.

I see you’re concerned, but much of this so far is stuff that is for her to control, and for you to try to not worry over much.  We tend to ty to ‘fix’ things for pwbpd, but it usually backfired and also prevents them from being able to learn to self manage.