BPDFamily.com

As I've mentioned in my previous post as well, I've posted about my BPDSO before. There's a lot more background on us in those posts.

We've had some talks about "us" and where we stand. I think it's fair to say that we're past dating and closer to being in a committed relationship. But even though she tells me that I've "got her" and that I'm "stuck with (her)", I can't help but think that she's doubting getting into a serious relationship again. Historically, she's been in three serious relationships, which have all ended poorly. This convinced her that she isn't capable of being in a relationship. Once she met me, however, I somehow (over several months) managed to change her mind. She's afraid that I can't handle her with her disorder, so I'll either end up leaving her, or she'll harm me mentally/emotionally. It's the reason why she's so hesitant to let anyone get close to her ever again.

I've slept with her every night for about a week or two. She asked me if I wanted to try and move in with her for two weeks to see if we're compatible and whether she'll drive me mad or not. She also has her selfish reason, which is that I make her feel happy and safe. I agreed and so we're on day 4 now.

The past two days have been quite bad. I had a big falling out with my mother because of my BPDSO, and her dog was wounded by another dog resulting in a big bill. She's been relatively silent and down. She was in a really bad place last night, however. I embraced her and cuddled with her in bed. She explained that there wasn't anything that had specifically triggered her. The only thing that she had to say was that the world is sh*t and that she was having suicidal thoughts. It was the first time that she cried in front of me and didn't maintain face. She told me that we should probably just give up this experiment of ours because she doesn't want to waste my time. I explained that I love her, and she's not wasting my time which seemed to have calmed her.

I suppose I need help figuring out what I can do when she's this far down.

generally speaking, women will tend to lead in this regard, when it comes to talking about relationship status. theyll take the lead and make it known when they want commitment.

these are words that speak to commitment. pushing to live together is more of that.


but understand that BPD traits mean inherent insecurity, and testing when it comes to relationship status and your level of commitment.

if you are unsure, she will read into that, and not necessarily what you want her to read into it.

it sounds a bit like when she shows signs of insecurity, youre reading into it a lack of commitment, and feeling uncertain about where you stand.

this sort of thing is going to happen. and the more it happens, the more it will happen. you dont want to be in the drivers seat of that. because she will pick up on it, and it will drive your relationship. in all likelihood, she is coming from a place where she is trying to gauge your own feelings and commitment, more than shes indicating her own. if you keep cool, that will set the pace, this will dissipate, or she will find other ways of testing your commitment. if you telegraph insecurity, she will feel that much more insecure.

make sense?

how do you feel about the prospect of moving in with her?