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So my ex unblocked me again and asked me if I still want something he made for me ... I’m not sure how I react to this ... my initial thoughts are obviously anger because it’s like why would I want something from someone who accused me of being a thief and all sorts of other things basically ...
but I haven’t responded yet. I’m wondering if it’s his way of testing to see how I feel?
There’s so many thoughts going through my head but honestly
I’m not sure how I feel about seeing a man who broke my heart and accused me ... bringing over something he built for me and having it sit in my home as a daily reminder of the hurtful things he did /said. Thoughts?

as hard as it is, set all the accusations and hurt feelings aside for a moment. focus.

1. are you done with the relationship or do you want to get back together?
2. do you want the item or not?

I think my answer for number 2 is determinant in answer number 1. I don’t want the item if we cannot work it out and have a mature conversation

On**

understandable.


maybe.

he probably feels a lot like you feel: a mixture of anger, pride, and confusion about where you both stand.

its very possible that this is his way of trying to gauge where you are at without making himself too vulnerable.

you dont want to make yourself vulnerable either. youve been hurt, you dont want to be hurt again.

somethings gotta give here, it sounds like. whats it going to be?

I just replied asking if it's a serious question.
haha I'm honestly at a point OR where I'm trying not to react with emotion anymore because I'm trying to detach. After the accusations , blocking/unblocking games , I feel very like... blah. I see things a lot more clearly now that I had time to myself being blocked for over 2 weeks. I see that I did a lot for him despite the odd reactions I had and JADE. I see that none of anything I did was appreciated, that he just wanted more and more and it was never enough... I see it reached a point where he probably felt engulfment hence he made up a story in his head. I honestly feel sympathy but I'm trying to take care of myself.
As I reply now I feel a huge sense of anxiety overwhelm me. I want to puke because last two weeks I felt more at peace. I guess we will see how the convo unfolds because you're right... from both his and my perspectives we feel hurt... even though he's not right , in his HEAD, he is.
And I can't change that. But I will try and focus on being more objective in my responses this time and not reply with emotion. Keep things concise and neutral.

it sounds like you responded from a place of pride and fear of vulnerability.

let us know how he responds.

He wrote that its a serious question... and that hes coming down to my area next week and it would be the perfect opportunity to drop it off... and I had texted him to ask himself why he even wants to give it to me? Should be an interesting response. lol
But at the end of the day, it's a legit question, I think. I would like to hear his answer on this.

he asked if he could bring a gift.

it sounds like you want to rehash and continue the fight.


how do you think this approach is going to go?

Probably not well. But I am not wanting a gift in my home so my only other answer just simply would have been “no thank you.” Which probably would’ve sufficed

it would, if you want to close the door.

if not, you could accept the gift and then dispose of it if you really dont want it.

its a peace offering. it may be more than that. its hard to know if you respond with walls up.

very true... I did realize that I cannot get over the hurtful things he said this time especially without an apology... so I said "no thank you" and he told me. "ok no problem."

I talked to my T today and she said that it was probably his way of testing the waters without also being too vulnerable after what he did. But she did say I gave him room for an apology, and he didn't... so she said it's fine for me not to accept a gift especially If it's without an apology. She said that if I were to accept his gift, he may just think that's his version of the apology and he can get over it and move forward (whatever direction we go), and I may never get an apology for it... and I, personally, am not ok with that.
 
I don't really want that gift in my home to look at and remind me of him day in and day out so I had to decline it no matter how hard it was to hurt his feelings about it (since he made it for me).
But, I decided I'm going to be a bit selfish for once in this r/s and focus on bettering myself and focusing more on what I want/need instead of his wants/needs. :)

Not sure what will come of it... but I guess for now that's that. Thank you for the advice. :)