BPDFamily.com

Dear BPD community,

in case you've read my past posts you might know about my situation.

My ex stopped talking to me after the last time we've seen each other and things seemed to go well...
We're broken up for 2 years and he brought up the idea of getting back together after I've been praying for this so much.
Now - no contact for a month.

Now I'm absolutely terrified that I'll never hear from him again.

The last messages we've been exchanging were about taking some space and taking things from there.
Since then I've been deleted from every possible social media platform, without a word from him.

We've always been connected the most over our Twitter. Now yesterday he decided to not only delete me off there, which he did weeks ago, but delete his whole account.

This was the only place I could silently check if he's still okay. Now he's all gone and I wonder why this happened.

He seemed to be in a rage last night and posted stuff about nobody caring about him. I'm just sitting here, thinking BUT I DO! But l didn't wanna let him know that I'm still reading along.

I wanted to give him another month of space and check in with him by December. I'm just too scared of getting no response. Of this being the very ending after 3 years.

The longest we've ever been out of touch were 3 months when he was dating somebody else.
Now this was just 1... He always came back, but it seems so hopeless this time.

I'd be happy about encouragement.

Thank you

I'm sorry, that's really tough to have to wait and not know.  You sound experienced with all this, and you know to give him space and not pressure him.  What has helped you to manage the stress of waiting in the past?

RC

Thank you, Radcliff

I really thought things were over for good this time as he literally has deleted everything.

No contact for 40 days.
What I did in the past?
Crying on the boards or going to therapy, going out with friends or on dates with new people, stalking his social media which I can't do anymore as I am deleted.

Now the news: he did reach out to me.
I have answered lightly but he didn't even read it yet.

I am praying for things to go work out better this time.
Really can't tell what happens next. If he'll even answer/be bothered to talk any further.

what did he say?

Hey onced removed,

he asked if I was okay and how work was going.

I answered, asked him back.
He needed hours to reply, then he stopped getting back to me at some point.

I didn't ask a question in my last message, so no need to be upset here I guess.

I'm just so scared about how much time will pass until I hear from him next...or if I will hear from him at all - or just be replaced again instead...

Is it the right step waiting the silence out again? Starting to count the days of silence again? Or how else can I move forward with him from here?

____

I asked if he started his new job already and when he said yes I wished him well, I didn't ask any further about how he's feeling there...

Can I be more curious without chasing him away? Should I've been asking more about him than just "are you okay as well" and "have you started the new work yet?"

I'd love to know what I can do better

Not a word from him since Wednesday

That little "conversation" left me puzzled, we didn't talk about anything really

Would you wait the new period of silence out or reach out at some point?

i think you were fine. you were open and receptive without chasing or being pushy.


think about it like you would with someone where there is less emotion involved.

if you want to reach out, and have reason to reach out, i dont see what it would hurt to reach out. id keep it light and upbeat.

otherwise, id let things stand where they are for now. theyre on a good note.

obviously, the more hes doing the reaching out, the better. but it sounds like he may have a lot going on.

Hey once removed,

thank you for answering.
Still nothing has changed, I haven't heard from him and I didn't reach out.

Not being in touch gives me anxiety and as he's deleted his social media there is no way for me to know what's going on in his life anymore, that's really hard as I'm used to reading what he's up to everyday.

I have nothing important to say so I guess staying silent is the best approach. I miss him immensely though.

Thank you for listening

build up your life.

become the best version of yourself.

invest in those things. put your focus there.

it will help you cope, and its the most attractive thing you can do.

once removed has nailed it here.  Investing in yourself, broadening your support network, having fun with friends, finding things that you want to do for you, all of that will make you more attractive, not to mention happier and healthier.  I can say from experience that it works wonders.

RC

I'm thankful for you two, reading this, talking with me about the situation..

What happened this week is that he didn't get in touch with me, but his mom did. (We're long distance as l already said.)

And she asked when I gonna come over for a visit.
And - I didn't wanna plan a new meeting with her without him knowing/being included in the decision of me staying at their home, so I just reminded his parents that they actually said they have planned coming over to see me next year. And she remembered and.. now I'm planning to have his parents over next year.

I reached out about it to him. In a light and funny way, without a question added cause I didn't want to push for an answer.

He left me on read.

This is 3 days ago. All I see is how he's deleting and adding new people from Facebook.
I miss him. At least he still has our texting app and I'm not blocked anywhere..
I'd say we're still on good terms

That's neat that you're on good terms with his parents and they're coming to visit next year (does anyone still say, "neat?"  :( )

What kinds of things are you doing for yourself these days?  Are there any fun things, or growth things, that you're doing that you're excited about?  If not, are there any things you can think of you'd like to start up?

RC