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Title: Protecting myself from a false protective order and a violent child Post by: Shonnie on October 31, 2019, 08:48:34 AM Hi,
I am not sure what to say. My 13 Yr old daughter is currently living in a residential facility that I placed her in after a violent attack on me. Two days ago I was told that a protection order is being placed on me by child safety because they perceive the act of me putting her in care as emotionally damaging to her. My daughter has been informally been diagnosed bpd and is currently in process of obtaining formal diagnosis. It has been suggested that she also has conduct disorder. I am on this site because I want to meet other parents with similar experiences to mine. I have been getting abused for the last yr and due to her age the police will do nothing about it. She has ripped off 4 doors, smashed walls, a hit me almost weekly for the last 6 months. I put her in care because she was throwing chairs at me and threatening to slit my throat.. Everyday I think it is as bad as it can possibly get but then it gets worse. I don't know how to keep going. It's just shocking. :help: Title: Re: Protecting myself from a false protective order and a violent child Post by: kells76 on October 31, 2019, 09:25:30 AM Hi Shonnie, welcome to the site :hi:
Really glad you've reached out for help -- sounds like you've already been through a lot, and your D is only 13... Excerpt I am on this site because I want to meet other parents with similar experiences to mine. You definitely will; you're NOT alone in this. There are a lot of parents posting in the "Son/Daughter..." section (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=4.0) with eerily similar stories. You're not crazy and you're not the only one going through this. What do you see as the biggest thing you'd like support or help with? Excerpt I don't know how to keep going. :hug: It's so hard and draining dealing with people with disordered behaviors. I want to encourage you to take care of yourself in all this. It sounds counterintuitive ("shouldn't I be taking care of my D13") but it's like the airplane advice: you can't help anyone else if your oxygen mask isn't on you first. Keep posting whenever works for you -- we'll be here. kells76 Title: Re: Protecting myself from a false protective order and a violent child Post by: Skip on October 31, 2019, 09:36:03 AM Excerpt Excerpt In most jurisdictions, an application for a domestic abuse restraining order will include seeking an ex parte emergency order followed later by more permanent order issued after a return hearing in court. Ex parte relief is emergency relief and the allegations considered by the court are one sided without and rebuttal by the person accused. Based on this one sided submission, the Court may issue a temporary restraining order that removes the defendant from the family home, precludes contact between the defendant and the victim and, often the children, and sets the matter for a court hearing in the near future, but often weeks away. At the return hearing, the parties are advised to bring their witnesses and evidence to address the issues of abuse raised by the ex parte petition. Has a hearing date been set? Do you have an attorney? Can you tell us a bit more about the situation? What are the conditions of the order? Is the child in the custody of the State? Title: Re: Protecting myself from a false protective order and a violent child Post by: ForeverDad on October 31, 2019, 10:51:09 AM Everyday I think it is as bad as it can possibly get but then it gets worse. We've all been there, done that. :hug: Our patience, care and concern were rewarded with more and more outbursts, demands and overall acting-out behaviors. It's almost as though they keep pushing and pushing to see the limits you will reach. Well, you were faced with no other choice. You took action to do what you had to do. It would be helpful for you to browse though the tools and skills forum (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=36.0) so you can be more informed and more confident in the future. In particular, read the topics on communication skills and boundaries. Proper boundaries are crucial. Of course, the misbehaving person will oppose boundaries. So boundaries are what we implement for ourselves. Read the articles. Briefly, the boundary pattern goes somewhat like this: "If you do or don't do ___ then I will do or not do ___." As Skip noted, the agency took action. Surely they know your story and the police know your history but evidently they also had to listen to their patient. People with BPD — and many professionals are reluctant to diagnose minors — have intense Denial of their issues and are known to Blame and Shift Blame onto others, often those emotionally closest to them. So the agency took the cautious approach and filed that court paperwork. Your task is to defend yourself and ensure you bring with you whatever documentation you have (photos, recordings, repair bills, multiple police reports, etc) to counter her emotionally compelling but unsubstantiated claims. Do you have a (proactive) lawyer capable of dealing with this high conflict issue? If the court wants to continue that agency's approach, then you may have to ponder what to do to counteract that because it may put a bad perception and presumption against you. My story is with an oppositional spouse. As an example, when we separated I got a municipal court protection order due to her threats (which I had recorded as documentation). Well, she rushed to family court and filed for a pro se protection order from me. I was concerned I needed a defense position in family court too so I filed a similar protection motion to counter hers. Does that make sense? I was concerned family court would ignore the other court's case (which it did ignore) and lean toward accepting her claims if I didn't similarly state how I needed protection. |