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How do I stop apologizing? I am struggling with acknowledging how he feels about me without apologizing or disregarding his feelings.
He says I don't support him or acknowledge his emotions. I feel that I do all the time.
I have apologized but it makes me feel like I am taking responsibility for something I didn't do. I found it also opens the door for him to throw it in my face the next time he is upset.
Today I tried saying "I know that you feel that I do not support you" That got the response of "It's not a feeling it is a fact" I responded with I hope you can see my support someday - not good I know but I never know what to say after that. You have a right to your feelings?

How can I acknowledge his feelings without apologizing?

I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot.  You're on the right track, it's just hard stuff.  You are right to attempt what we call "partial validation," where you're validating his feelings but not invalid "facts."  You're right that apologizing for things you didn't do because that validates the invalid.

It sounds like he's picked up on what you're doing, and ironically feels invalidated, as if you've called his facts "just feelings."  Don't get discouraged, you're still on the right track.  You might try the shorter sentence, "I'm sorry you feel unsupported," while making really good eye contact, and facing him with a soft and sincere voice, then follow quickly with something else, maybe say you'd feel upset in a similar situation, etc.  The shorter sentence may give him a smaller target to disagree with.

Another tool to add to your toolkit when you're stuck and there seems to be nothing you can say, is to say, "Thank you for sharing that with me.  What you've said is really important to me.  I'd like to take some time to carefully think about it.  Can we talk about it this evening?" (or tomorrow, etc.)

When things are calm, try to talk to him about what might make him feel more supported.  You might ask him if he remembers feeling supported by you (he'd need to be in a decent mood, otherwise the answer is likely to be "never." :( )

Do you have any ideas about what set off today's incident? 

RC

Those are really great tips. I have already read it twice so I really appreciate it.
He was triggered and trying to come down when our neighbors dog ticked him off. I didn't realize he was triggered and didn't agree with how he wanted me to address the dog. I knew I couldn't argue and I didn't want to agree so I froze and stammered out a sentence that invalidated him.
That evolved into him screaming, sobbing and him telling me he is leaving me.
I know that I could've stopped the escalation if I would've responded differently.

Don't worry, it's totally classic to read advice on the boards and then crash and burn when we try to apply it.  You should have seen me a couple of years ago!  Just keep at it and look for incremental improvements as you get better.  You'll learn to come up with the right words more quickly over time.  With the luxury of hindsight, what could you have said to make it go more smoothly?

RC

Something in regards to I know this is really important to you. Let's take a minute to look at all of our options.
The words roll right off my tongue when I am not in the moment.

 lol :hug:

Don't worry, you'll figure it out.  It's a two steps forward, one back thing, though so there will always be bumps in the road.  One of the powerful things about saying "this is important" is that it is validating.  To learn more about validation, take a look at this excellent page on how to validate and avoid being invalidating (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating).  When we apply a skill in the heat of the moment and things go better when they would have in the past, it's a really cool feeling  :)  I wonder if this is all a little bit like learning to surf  :(

RC