BPDFamily.com

Hi all,

I am new to the group.  I am the mom of an almost 13 year old with BPD.  Her official diagnosis is DMDD with borderline traits, but we have seen evidence of all 9 criteria since she was young.  Our biggest concern is that she has been undulating on self-destruct mode for several months now.  She refuses to take medicine, hates therapy (though we are trying a new therapist that she may end up liking), and has not participated in the DBT classes we've taken her to.

Between her ODD and adolescence, her opposition is in full force, and recently if I "make" her do something she doesn't want to do, or take something away that has been causing an issue, she breaks down, becomes verbally abusive, destructive, and wants to run away.  She feels abandoned and traumatized by hospitalization (our state has limited resources for decent in-patient), and if the police are involved, she becomes angry with them and refuses to cooperate.  I want very much to take care of things at home, since we have not had much success with hospitalization (except for medical treatment with her past suicide attempts), but I really just don't know how.  I know she feels like she wants to die, and I just don't know how to help her out of her hole, when she refuses my help. 

Most of the time my other children are in bed, but they are subject to her outbursts as well, and even the dogs are displaying significant anxiety.  All of the sharps and medications are under biometric lock, but I struggle with trying to keep a safe environment as well as keeping the rest of my family mentally healthy. 

I'd love to hear success stories of other parents who have dealt with children who are oppositional to treatment.  I understand she feels so shamed by all of this that she doesn't want to deal, but I can't even have a conversation with her about the important stuff without a major breakdown. 

Thanks for listening!

Hello Emerald
Welcome to the parenting group. We are glad you are here. This is a great place to find information and support for what you are going through with your daughter. There is a lot you can do that may help your relationship with her but first it is important that you be healthy and step strong. You took a big first step in coming here. What else are you or could you be doing to care for yourself and the rest of the family?
Hugs
Faith

I understand self maintenance is important, but I just don't know when I have the opportunity.  I am working on a plan to reduce my work outside of the home, but that just means more work right now to get me to a place where I can.  I don't have a local support system, and my other children require a lot as well.  I do the best I can to educate myself and use all of the coping skills I can to be better at mindfulness, acceptance, and validation.  I'm not sure what else to do.

Have you thought about therapy for you? It helped me a lot.