BPDFamily.com

Venting!

One of her closest family members just sent me a FB request...

Its coming up to 2 years now since my ex abandoned me completely and never spoke to me again.

A couple of months ago I unfriended all of her family and friends (wasn't FB friends with this person) as it was well past time to remove all attachments and finally try to move on. Especially given the fact my ex now seems to have a baby.

So... What the hell...?

I imagine the family member probably just clicked on a friend suggestion for someone they once knew...and doesn't realise that any contact with anyone related to my ex is a big deal to me. But if I don't accept it I'll always wonder what it was about

It's most likely something like this. Or she could want to contact you.

If you "friend" her, your ex will see your feeds. Do you care?

You could accept, send her a message like "hi how is it going" and see if she is trying to connect for some reason. If you don't get a response in a few days, unfriend.

What kind of relationship did you have with her?

Not really, my focus is more on NOT knowing anything about my ex's life...which i'd been pretty successful at until recently. I don't really post anything on FB anyway.


I helped them out with work a bit here and there so did hang out a bit and then a fair bit of family socializing due to them being one of the only family connections my ex had.

It's two years. Are you at the point of being able to not be affected by the ex's life?

This type of thing is a good test of our healing.

I wouldn't advise a long term FB connection with her family and friends if you had a lot of things posted on FaceBook - but it sounds like you don't.

I personally keep my FaceBook very private. I don't have an account.  :)

I don't think I'm past being affected by my exs life...but I know I don't want to be pulled into

That might be the bigger question... why does she still have a pull on you?

I want the dream she was selling!.. and maybe I still want her validation too

Me, too, 'burger.

They don't love us more than other women  -  they express their love more.

I have a women now who loves me much more - but expresses less.

I once told a friend that BPD is catnip for men.

Do you see her for who she is?  I don't mean bashing her (that just confuses us more)  - I mean to you have a good solid take on what is was all about?

Logically yes... I totally get it and I don't hold any ill will towards her. But I fear the pain that's come from knowing her and my inability to stop wanting her. Those two completely opposite feelings mess with your head even when you do know what's going on.

Throw that on top of my already horrible ability to handle rejection and attachment issues

I would spend some time here talking about this. This disconnect is common and one many struggle to work through together.