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Title: How do I respond when she says false facts? Post by: Silverstars on November 20, 2019, 07:22:29 PM My fiance has bpd and today is a bad day and I'm requiring some help responding to her behaviour.
Shes in a bad mood today and hasnt explained to me why and I couldn't help but get frustrated today and I said "it's ok that you're in a bad mood but I wish you would atleast tell me why". Shes been not the nicest person to be around and as she typically does, said she wished I wasnt around etc. So I kept my distance. I cant win when I try to just do what I think is right...I asked her if she wanted me to put the leftovers away and she said she didnt care bc she didnt want them and then a few hours later got mad at me for the way I layered the food in the container because now she wouldn't want it. I said bye to her and kissed her before work and then I get a text saying "way to say bye" to which I replied that I wasnt going to play her games and reminded her that I did say bye. I said I didnt want to fight and told her I loved her and wanted her to be ok. She gave me a snarky comment and I tried calling her because i hate going to work like this and she ignored and then asked me to stop harassing her (I only called once). How do I correspond with her when everything I say or do is wrong? Title: Re: How do I respond when she says false facts? Post by: loyalwife on November 21, 2019, 04:38:04 AM Hi Silverstars!
As difficult as is it is, your girlfriend is pushing you away, which translates to, move back. When she pushes you, instead of coming forward, do the opposite. You don't need to treat her the same way she is treating you, just less needy. pwBPD will push/pull (you can read a lot about that here), and even when she is pulling you closer, keep in mind that you need to pull back a bit. It keeps things level. It sounds like you practice this when you feel she needs her space and "doesn't want you around." It gives her time to readjust her emotions. You aren't neglecting or deserting her; you're taking care of yourself. The answer to your question of how to correspond with her, when everything you say and do is wrong, is to stop trying to justify (JADE). It's difficult when you love someone not to want to share your life with them, in every area. But this isn't about you not doing something right or saying the right thing. It's about her. She isn't accepting what you say or do, because she doesn't want to. This can change, as it frequently does and what you do and say wrong one day, will be perfectly okay the next. It is crazy thinking, but then, this is why we are all here. To help one another navigate this behavior in those we love and care about. The next time she complains or tries to start an argument, set some boundaries. Do so strongly and with conviction to let her know what you will and will not tolerate. This may take some time to figure out, and doing this at an appropriate time is critical. Find a time that she is receptive to hearing your thoughts. I think you should commend yourself for knowing to keep your distance when asked. During the times that are giving her space, take care of yourself. Part of being in a relationship with a pwBPD is self-perseverance. We can't change their behavior, but we can learn to love ourselves when they can't. Hope this helps. Title: Re: How do I respond when she says false facts? Post by: Silverstars on November 24, 2019, 01:40:52 AM Thank you so incredibly much for your reply , it is REALLY appreciated. I'm not used to someone understanding these situations and this website is a huge blessing.
Thank you again! |