Title: Afraid for my sister's life Post by: Sister my Friend on November 20, 2019, 10:44:12 PM :help: Up until yesterday, I have been in my sister's trust & I love her so very much & have diligently tried to protect this status with her. My sister, 51 yrs. old, on disability, has health issues (RA & mild Chiari Malformation (yet to be seen by a specialist), an addictive personality- opiods,(recovered alcoholic), etc., has been diagnosed with BPD (untreated so far except for mood stabilizing medication). She obsesses over her health & no matter what her doctors say, she doesn't trust that they believe her & is belligerent & will not take any advice from them. She considers every ailment that resembles the way she feels or investigates, to be her latest health condition. This all has escalated over the past three years. She has "split"from our brother & mom but is "mostly over" her issues with mom & is constantly having crisis' with her adult children. She has had much trauma throughout her life. Back to the Opiod issue: I am noticing a pattern that she becomes very despondent, angry, & hopeless just before she goes to her pain doc. I am suspecting that somehow, she is not fully honest with her pain doc. & she is running out of her pills earlier than she should. I can't talk with her mental health & medical Dr's because I don't have consent & feel that they cannot properly treat her without full knowledge of the big picture.
OK, so this paints a sad & ugly picture but, of course, she also has a very caring, funny, generous personality. She is my enigma & again, I say I love my little sister. I am at the end of my ability to know what to say or do for her. I got very frustrated & very direct with her more than in the past the other day. Her behavior was over the top & I wasn't feeling well & now, for the first time, she will not answer my calls. I have known that this may happen some day & have spoken with my counselors about her & my fear that she will do harm to herself. (She cries & says that she can't live like this anymore.) I honestly don't know how to have relationship with her anymore as she causes me so much stress & I also have RA & other health issues & need to minimize & manage my stress. I find myself in the middle of the family trying to keep peace & give support. Do I try to make contact with her or wait until she is ready to talk again? Any helpful advice or sharing of experience with this would be much appreciated. Title: Re: Afraid for my sister's life Post by: pursuingJoy on November 21, 2019, 09:21:39 AM Sister my Friend, warm welcome to bpdfamily! :hi: I'm so glad you posted and shared a bit of your story with us. I see a lot of opioid use/abuse in this area so I share your concern about how this component is impacting her mental and physical wellbeing.
OK, so this paints a sad & ugly picture but, of course, she also has a very caring, funny, generous personality. She is my enigma & again, I say I love my little sister. Your love for her comes out and we understand. Many of us here share your love for a difficult family member. You love her deeply and want to see her in a better place, but you are exhausted and in pain yourself. We get it! I am at the end of my ability to know what to say or do for her. I honestly don't know how to have relationship with her anymore as she causes me so much stress & I also have RA & other health issues & need to minimize & manage my stress. I know this is all so overwhelming, and that's to be expected in your situation. Why don't we start here? Of course you know you can't give if your tank is empty. What you are you doing to take care of yourself? Are you in therapy? pj Title: Re: Afraid for my sister's life Post by: Harri on November 21, 2019, 10:13:16 AM Hi and welcome.
Excerpt Do I try to make contact with her or wait until she is ready to talk again? I suggest waiting until she is able to self soothe and return to baseline. The same applies for us when we are upset or caught up in a need to intervene and fix. Not sure if the latter applies to you but I thought I would mention it here just in case. :)I look forward to hearing more from you. Along with pursuingJoy, I am interested to hear what you do for self care. You are dealing with a lot and obviously care about your sister, Taking care of you is going to be important. Again, *welcome* |