BPDFamily.com

Hello, my wife and I have been married for little over 3 years, when i met her she told me she was bipolar 2. Many doctor visits later and we get told she is BPD. It been a struggle as I work 13 days with 1 day off so I'm not home that much as she would like. The other night my wife broke down and told me that she needs more in the sex life department, and that she would like to have just sex with another guy but still be with me. I told her I would think about it, but deep down I cant deal with that. I know this is part of being BPD and haveing a high sex drive but i am not sure what to tell her as I'm afraid she will do it behind my back no matter what. The guy she want to have this fling with has been firends with her for 10 year they talk all the time i found out. I'm lost sad and need some advice

Hello, I’m. It sure that I can offer any advice but I just had to share that I am in a similar situation. My uBPD husband of 20 years has told me that he wants to leave me because I am closed, I don’t flow and mostly because he needs more sex. He just screamed at me last night that he needs my permission to go have sex with someone else and then we can stay together. I can’t tell you what to do but I’m pretty sure that I cannot handle this. I also realize that this is a pretty irrational request from my prospective.   I am curious about your  statement that a high sex drive is a characteristic of BPD. I am very new to this and had no idea that this was true. Do you know where is could read more about that aspect but f BPD?

I am curious about the high sex drive as well.  My GF seems to be the exact opposite...little to no sex drive.  Want to make sure I am not missing something here.

I mean no offense here and I am truly coming from a supportive place, but under no circumstances should you entertain the idea of letting your mate have a fwb relationship with someone else. First, are you kidding me? Second, have enough self-respect for yourself to realize that the behavior you are being subjected to is garbage and not acceptable at all. Do not be brainwashed into into allowing this behavior or that you did something to deserve this treatment.

To each their own...if you want to have open relationships and both parties are actually ok with it then do you. I have no qualms with people who make honest decisions and both sides are equally consenting. I pass no judgment there. However, most of the time this is not the case. Usually one of the partners is conceding against their will and not enforcing a strong boundary. 

The point is you can not let your partner walk all over you and create a they get to have their cake and eat it too scenario.

Believe me I understand all the hurt and the pain, but I propose that you ask yourself is this what you think you deserve? Do you really want to be treated this way?

If you let bpd sufferers exploit you they will. Do not put up with it. Be strong enough and willing to pull the plug and tell them to go kick rocks. Respect matters more than being liked in these scenarios.

I wish you all well and the best of luck and I sincerely hope you can find your way through the pain and torment and keep your self worth intact.

Cheers!

I'm with SINISTER MIND here - like totally.  ANYbody that wants an open relationship does not respect you. Searching for the reasons to justify this request will be like searching for a needle in a haystack.

Are you familiar with F.O.G. ?  Fear - Obligation - Guilt is a sure sign that you are under the influence of manipulation. Could that be the case here do you think?

Like SINISTER I coming from a truly supportive place.

Hang in there - do what's best for you first.

Rev

Thank you all for your reply I have not been for this from the very start, but part of me feel like I should allow her to do this because when we were dating I made a huge mistake and cheated on her with two other ladys. Since being married I have only been with her and never ask for others. So I feel that I have no right to say no when I made the same mistake. But I am not for this and she tells me this will help her feel better, and it dose it make me have really low self esteem.