BPDFamily.com

So i wrote a few days ago how hard it was to let go. And i have been feeling really bad after that. And in it all she charms me. She wrote me on wazzup, asked how i was feeling and so on. And as i am feeling really week right now i did the classic mistake about telling her how i was feeling.

Then she said she misses me and that she is stalking me on social media from other accounts and asking around about me all the time. That she is not over me. She is with her rebound guy that she left me for.

Well he was with her at her place when she called. And she was outside he was inside. He came out and she said to him that she wants to be alone right now at the same time she was talking to me.

So she started talking about him. How the have no chemistry that the only thing that works is the sex. I tried to get her to understand how sick it was to tell me about this things.

So then she said that she would just want to come over to my place and be with me right now.  I was hooked and in her control once again. And i agreed that i wanted her to come over. Well she said that she cant promise if she will be able.

So i told her that just make something up and get over here. She told me she is going to try. And we got of the phone.

After that i didn´t hear from her witch i already knew. She did not answer to a text i sent her if she was coming. And i didn´t her from her for the rest av the night. She has not blocked me yet but probably in the morning when she wakes up she will write something like "This was a mistake i promise to never contact you again", i am pretty sure about it.

Well now in the middle of the night in the darkness of Finland i am sitting in front of my computer and is wondering wtf, what is wrong with me.

Feeling like a mess and just don´t know what to think or do.. Like what is wrong with me. Why can´t i resist her?

Why is it so hard to refuse it all. I mean i am doing this to myself and allowing it. Doormat, i feel like shait!

Nothing is wrong with you, Teddy
If I were contacted, I might act the same way you did. It is just too tempting to fall into that fantasy again.
But I think that is what it is. They feed these fantasies that we create in our head, but it is actually not them in real life.

Teddy - This sounds familiar to interactions in years past with my ex. She contacts, she says things indirectly or directly that she may want to reconcile and then nothing.
If you look at her actions without assigning any motives, do her actions seem like she has your best interests at heart? She tells you that she wants to be with you, tells you that sex is the only thing that works between her and another guy and finally does not respond when you ask the question whether she is coming over.
When my ex would do similar to me I eventually asked her to not mention anything about "us" as long as she was involved with another man. That as long as she was with another man it communicated that she really didn't want to be with me. Of course she didn't honor this boundary until I started enforcing that boundary consistently. Over time (a couple of years) she finally stopped.
It takes a while to move from the logical knowledge of knowing that this relationship is not good for you to the heart knowledge of not wanting the toxic relationship with her.
A lot of people here have done the same as you described in your post. Focus on her actions and what those actions communicate and not just her words. Write out what you would like to see and need in a relationship. Then compare her actions to that list. Do her actions meet the needs on that list?

Teddy, I understand. However, an important point here...do not compound your situation by beating yourself up. Negative self talk is a death knell to your self-esteem. If you keep feeding your negative ego you will not heal. All you will do is let this situation dominate you and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I mean if necessary and she contacts you again and I strongly suspect it will happen I think what you need to do is be more assertive. Give her a time limit on your conversation. For example, open up the conversation by saying you have 5 minutes and to help you remain firm in the boundary have a timer or a song ready to play at the 5 minute mark. This may sound a bit harsh, but maybe a song like That's all she wrote from Firehouse...doesn't matter if you like it or not...the point is the meaning from the song.

If she says something you are not on board with do not react with emotion...this is what she wants. Instead shut down and be silent and leave her hanging or say hey my food is here I gotta go...the point is to not give into her or give her any control. You do not matter to her as person...understand this. You are viewed as a tool she can use and manipulate nothing more nothing less.

If you have this interaction and you can remain steadfast I then believe you will be able to truly enforce no contact. I highly recommend no contact right now, but everyone has to do their own thing and heal at their own pace.

Please do yourself a favor and trust that you deserve better than her and that she is not what you ultimately want.

Cheers and best wishes!

Ty sinister, thank all of you guys here. This place is truly a blessing!