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Last year we started a post to "decorate" our family Christmas tree here on PSI, and I thought we could do that again this year.  :)
 
We all know that this time of year can be difficult. Some of us have family to go and visit or coming to visit us that we'd rather not see. It ties us up in knots just knowing  Christmas is coming in a few weeks. Others have family that they've found necessary to step away from in order to heal from the trauma of our childhoods. No matter what, we often miss them and who we wish they would be for us.

So with those thoughts in mind, I think it's time for us here on PSI, our online family, to come together and decorate our Christmas tree and join together in a safe family where you each belong and don't need to be afraid to join in.  

Let's focus on the positive in this thread instead of our pain. What I need help with is in decorating our tree. The 'ornaments' are going to be the positive things we see in our lives, nor matter how big or how small. We need all sizes of ornaments, big small, and in between. Some ideas can be: "kindness" because you were kind to yourself today;  "quietness" because you took time to sit down and reflect and pause for 3 minutes to self care today.

Please hang one ornament per thread and tell us why you are hanging that ornament on our tree. Come back as often as you like to hang another ornament. It will take a whole lot of decorating to get our tree covered and time is short! I'll start us off so you get the idea.

The ornament I am hanging is gratitude. Almost a year ago I stepped out of my destructive marriage, and I have made it through. I am humbled and filled with gratitude to look back and see that I had the strength to take this big step.

Please join me since I can't do this all myself. Who will bring the hot chocolate and marshmallows? How about some logs to put in the fireplace? Let's have some fun!  

 
Woolsie

What a great idea.
I was going to post on my thread but know this one was here waiting for me.
Today I post happiness .

For the first time since joining this board, i was dancing around the kitchen yesterday “I don’t have to feel people’s feelings for them!” . I know I’ve got a long way to go, but it was the closest thing to happy I’d felt in forever. I’m celebrating my progress!

I decided my beautiful new baby deserves Christmas magic and so do I.

Today I hang the ornament of hope. Like Wools, I also stepped out of a destructive marriage, though I physically left two years ago and closed the door permanently over one year ago. It's been tough, but I am making it on my own, which for many years I thought was impossible.

I watched a sermon the other day about hope which defined it as "never losing faith in the end of the story". That's where I am today, and I am looking forward to seeing what happens next.

Today I hang the ornament of learning.  I am learning about BPD, and I am learning new ways of interacting with uBPD mom.  I am doing what I can, and hopeful that learning about BPD will help me cope.  I am doing what I can.

My ornament is self love. Showing kindness and love to others without forgetting myself and what I need.

(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/41dyCnlf5EL._SY355_.jpg)

Awww, Wools, I am glad you did this again.  I really enjoyed it last year and think it is a wonderful idea. 

Today I am hanging a Christmas Pickle (https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/23/world/what-in-the-world/christmas-germany-weihnachtsgurke-pickle.html) <--- never heard of that before!  :)  Who knew!

But seriously, today I hang acceptance.  I have been struggling a bit this year with the holidays which is unusual for me.  I figured out I am processing a new layer of grief re: events over the last decade or so, things I have grieved but apparently still need to work on some more.  So I keep reminding myself that recovery is an ongoing process and I am focusing on the fact that my grief is less than previous years and what I am feeling today will lead to more emotional freedom.

Today, I hang my Patience ornament.

So much in my life is the way I was old choose it to be. I am unbelievably blessed.

Life with my 93 year old mother is a day-by-day adventure. I pray for Patience, and God grants it. My husband has commented that he has been surprised at the level of patience I've displayed (and he listens so well when I vent).

May I stay the course for the years to come.

Oh Imatter33, what a lovely ornament happiness is! Thank you for starting us out with such marvelous sparkle and joy!  :wee: Look at you go and grow!

I Am Redeemed, a warm hug from a fellow sojourner. Hope is a lovely shining ornament of light to us all.  :hug:

The ornament of learning is a glorious thing to see, and I think it is a grand decoration to behold, Methuen! This ornament is definitely a testament of how important it is for us to learn and grow. Learning brings freedom and empowerment.

Ah, Panda39, good to see you here hanging out with the llama and beagle.   *) What a great ornament to remind us, everyday, to take care of ourselves.  :heart: How much I need that reminder, and I suspect that others need that reminder too.

Harri, my dear friend, what's with the pickle?  lol I have heard of the Christmas pickle, and thank you for hiding something fun on our tree! I think there's something about whoever finds the pickle...maybe someone will enlighten us? I believe it's a German tradition, but I'm not quite sure. Now on to your ornament of acceptance, that is a powerful ornament, a kindness that speaks to the soul far deeper than words can express.

Hooray for you, GaGrl! To hang that ornament of patience is indeed a remarkable thing! Others see it and notice how much it stands out as an example of your growth.

Thank you all for joining in today! Now waiting for the rest of you to join in. There's a lot of room yet, and this year we got an especially tall tree! Come on, who's next?

 :hug:
Wools

I too am hanging gratitude.  I am thankful for this community.  I am grateful for my wonderful children and I am blessed by the little children in my work life.

I like taking positives so I will also hang gratitude.

I will be forever grateful that I did not lose my children. I am also grateful that I discovered cluster B and the impact it has had on my life. Also the family here, to find like minded supportive others has been a breath of fresh air. To be able to talk about my issues and get good feedback I feel has been very good for me.

LT.

Today I hang the ornament of connection.

I never knew something like BPD family existed. I did not know I would feel comfortable opening up and sharing in this type of way.  To know that there are tons of people that can relate to very tough relationships with loved ones is comforting. We are not alone. Not today, tomorrow, over the holidays.

I am thankful for connection.
I truly feel like it is a family here.

I've so enjoyed reading these positive posts.

I'll hang the ornament of opportunity. It's everywhere if we look for it, in conflict, conversation, ideas, stories, new acquaintances and old friendships, in pain, or joy, change, stability, and movement. 

I’m very happy to see that you’ve put the tree back up for the family this year, Wools. It’s a nice tradition and it’s nice to see the well deserved ornaments being hung.

Today, I hang perseverance. With the help of the staff and peers that make this community a reality, I’ve found the strength and means to keep pushing forward. To not give up on myself. I’ve learned and discovered so much about myself. As Harri described, Acceptance has been a very important gateway to recovery. It’s a hard step that sometimes needs a little maintenance, but a very important part of the process if we are to truly understand this stuff and view it from a place of self awareness. 

I’ve not really been into the Holidays much for quite some time. It feels a bit different this year. I haven’t procrastinated. S5’s gifts are hidden and ready to be wrapped. Plans are in place as far as the time he and I have together for our little Christmas.

Happy Holidays everyone. :heart:

What a lovely tradition!

I hang the ornament of hope. While there's still a long way for me to go in a lot of areas and while there's a lot of uncertainty in my life right now, I hold onto the hope that things will improve. They already have gotten better from where I was a year ago. So, I hope that that progress will continue.

I hope the same for my family here. :hug:

New Beginnings my Partner and our families finally moved in together this summer (last kiddo finally graduated High School!) after being together 9 years.  Our goal was stability for his kids there was a lot of instability due to their uBPDmom.  Now we are enjoying our new beginning as a blended family.

(https://www.mypixelpress.com/pub/media/catalog/product/cache/c687aa7517cf01e65c009f6943c2b1e9/8/_/8_14.jpg)

Panda39

I think this is a sign of healing and acceptance too JNChell.  Being able to see beyond our own experiences and helping others enjoy and participate in their joy is a wonderful thing.   :heart:

Panda, I think of you often wondering how the new living arrangement is going for you.  New beginnings are wonderful.

Today my ornament says laughter.   :)

I would like to hang " New Traditions "
I am currently NC and i will likely not see my FOO this year for a celebration, however, I did have a wonderful time with a good friend decorating Christmas cookies. It was easy fun and brought me a lot of Joy( there was no drama). It reminded me that i am building something new and amazing. That there is also the hope of new traditions.

I am adding a sprinkle of snow to some of the branches.  It snowed here today.  Three inches of the sparkling fluffy whiteness!  So pretty especially after the skies turned blue and the sun came out.  :)  this is the good kind of snow that does not need to be shoveled, does not cause accidents and everyone loves it. 

I went out on my balcony and made a 6" snowman!   *)

I am hanging hope, which I have gained from this community.

The tree is looking so lovely! Well done everyone! It's so nice to read all the positive reflections you are hanging on the tree.

Today I wish to hang an ornament of identity. I am starting to see more of who I am as I heal from the trauma in my life. When a person's identity is wrapped up in that of others, it's quite a revelation to begin to discover one's own personhood and identity.

Thanks for the snow, Harri! Beautiful, especially when combined with laughter.  *)

Hope, new traditions, new beginnings are all hanging together in a cluster of brightness.  |iiii

It's mighty cold in the Midwest so maybe it's time for hot chocolate?

 :hug:
Wools

I'd would like to add a splash of wonder.

May we all experience some form of magic even if it is in the simplicity of a hot cup of coffee or a hug from a friend or a cuddle with your pup or the joy of a new book.

Also, I'd like to add a bit of silliness. That we all find a reason to laugh so hard that we can't breathe just once in the coming weeks.

 :hug: :wee:

Today I wish to hang the ornament of courage.  While this is something we must surely already have, I'll bet most of us could use more!  Let us be inspired by this ornament to seek, find, and demonstrate courage, and also move forward and find joy and happiness in our daily lives, even if in the little things.

Did someone say hot chocolate?  There is plenty for everyone. 

I am hanging the ornament of a fresh start!

It is tempting to feel like because I didn't know this person in my life had BPD or because I haven't always handled things the best way to deal with that, I am behind and I've messed up. But every day is a fresh start. I can resolve now to change my life, to change my thoughts, to change my attitude. I can choose to change for the better. Even if I didn't make all the right choices 10 years ago, a year ago, or even yesterday. TODAY is a new day and I can choose who I will be today.

Balance.  So important in life, for healing and recovery and even during the holidays.

Am I the only one re-reading this thread each day because it feels so good?

You're not alone in that Gagrl! 

I think this may be my last ornament for a while, because soon I'm getting on an airplane and may go off the grid for a period.  

I wish to hang the ornament of PEACE.  I'm thinking of internal peace here, since external global peace seems even more complicated than our own internal peace with ourselves (which is complicated enough).

“Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace.” —Dalai Lama

“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.” —Wayne W. Dyer

My wish is for everyone to feel/find/seek/enjoy some CALM and PEACE.  

Hi Methuen.  Thanks for letting us know you will be off grid for a while.  I would have wondered, not seeing you here.  I hope you have a safe, peaceful and calm journey. 

Peace (internal) is a beautiful ornament to hang. 

I would like to hang the ornament love, for the healing relationships I've been able to have with the beautiful children in my life, my niece and my son and daughter. Giving to them what I wish I had been given by adults in my life has been, as I said, healing.

Love is so nice to put on our tree, cleotokos. Thank you for joining in! Courage, a fresh start, balance, and all the others are making for such a well decorated tree. I love to come and look at it, to re-read all of our posts and reflect on the beauty that we are, that we have become, and that we show to others. Personally I think it's the most beautiful Christmas tree I've ever seen!  :wee:

Harri, thank you for the hot chocolate! It is wonderful. Today I'm popping popcorn to string, but if a llama gets a bowl of popcorn, I'm not sure how much will make it onto the string.  lol

My ornament for today is resilience. I've made it, through my childhood with an uBPDm and now through my marriage separation. Whew! A lot of work.

There's still more room for ornaments and we have time yet before Christmas to do some more decorating!

 :hug:
Wools

I am hanging accomplishment. I just finished another semester of college. The last eight weeks I took three classes at once, all while working and single parenting, and I made it through!

I'm especially glad that public speaking class is over, and I didn't have a nervous breakdown :wee:

I would love to celebrate everyone's accomplishments, big and small. Everyone here is doing great things, hard things. You all rock!

Thanks Woolsie for getting the Christmas tree back out for us to decorate together. A wonderful new tradition is born :wee:

(https://bit.ly/2Eisakq)

I too am hanging gratitude, for "Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow." -- Melody Beattie

Today I would like to hang the ornament of music.
Whatever your style, whatever gets you up and out of your seat and moving and shaking and celebrating. I hang music and hope you will join in the party!

*Rihanna’s “We Found Love”  (in a Hopeless Place) came on.* I don’t feel hopeless today, but it can feel like that sometimes. The words struck me differently today. Merry almost Christmas and Happy Holidays!

The ornament I’m adding is Friendship. Especially with the holidays here, we recognize the people who we WANT to spend time with, as opposed to those who drain us. Friends are our chosen family!

Best wishes to all!

Hi BPD family - so immeasurably grateful for this community of amazing souls  :love-it:

My ornament is self-determination

We are not what has happened to us but what we choose to become - Jung.

Warmth, laughter and peace to all as we gather around our unique Christmas tree  :hug: :hug:
B

I would like to hang the ornament of forgiveness. This is something I usually do without much effort. It's easy for me to forgive others. It is not, however, easy for me to forgive myself. And, yet, it's so important for our own mental health. May we all be kind and understanding to ourselves.

Methuen

Peace and Calm sound awesome, I will hopefully be enjoying these over the Christmas period.

LT.

I am hanging Acceptance.  I am feeling peaceful this  Christmas.  I have let go of raging against the past and pretending I am am fine.  I am not fine...and that is ok.

 :hug:

LT.

I'm hanging the ornament of conviction - it takes a lot of it to stand up to everything you face when you get out of a relationship a pwBPD. 

For those of you who doubt yourself - here's an ornament for you.

Rev

Nice to see you join in, Board Parrot. I like that ornament you chose.  *)

Music and friendship are a perfect combination Imatter33 and podsnapG. I think Christmas music would be lovely as we decorate together.

Let's see, Baglady and Ozzie101 have brought the important ornaments of forgiveness and self determination. How very important both of them are, to remind us of the positive and necessary qualities of both within our lives.

Peace, calm, acceptance, you all are bringing such beautiful gifts, not just ornaments! And Rev, thanks for joining our PSI family and sharing the strength of conviction with us.

You are all such an amazing family.  :hug: I love how we all belong in this family. That is my ornament for today, belonging.

Woolz

Today I hang believing.  Not really a feeling but that's okay right?

I believe in our ability to heal and move beyond our pasts.

Today it is peace for me.   feel peace in my heart which has been missing for a short while so today has been extra special for me. 

I wish for all of you is to have some peace in your hearts and minds.

I'll add an ornament called "Confidence" .

I am learning to keep my sense of reality when others around me dysregulate, do hurtful things and try to confuse me with their own distorted reality.

I am gaining confidence that my perceptions and behaviours are based in healthy thinking and goal setting. I am a normal, healthy person again, and I'm becoming more confident that I can cope with H.

Confidence feels very good!

To celebrate Chanukah, the Festival of Lights, which begins at sundown today, let's celebrate LIGHT by lighting a candle. Let us shine light on the unsaid, the suppressed and repressed, bringing into the open what needs to be addressed.

Butane, confidence is a wonderful ornament to hang.  I struggled with that so much (and still do a bit) when looking at my experiences and how they affected me.  Reaching the point you have reached is wonderful and so important in recovery! 

Gagrl, that is beautiful.  The candle looks lovely and I really like what you wrote.  Thank you.   I always enjoy it when Chanukah and Christmas overlap.

Harri, yes -- my son's dad is Jewish, so we had both holidays going each year. I'd rather they overlap than when Chanukah comes early in December! December goes on forever when that happens.

I have been thinking about what ornament I wanted to decorate the tree. Tonight while I was finishing up my Christmas cards, I double checked the address of a long time friend and found that she had passed away this year. She was a beautiful person both on the inside and out, and the mother of teenage boys. It made me think how sometimes I complain too much. My ornament is gratitude. I am grateful for every day I have on this Earth and want to appreciate my life and the lives of others to the fullest.

Hi zachira.  I am sorry to hear about your friend.   :hug:

Today I hang 'capable' because I am capable and strong.  We all are and I hope everyone is able to embrace that.

Traditions

Being new to a blended Family and like GaGrl's family we also have blended religions we have been talking a lot in our house about our holiday traditions both past and present.  It was great to be present for the lighting of the first Hanukkah Candle by my partner's daughter yesterday and I am excited to make them brunch with the Panda Family Omelet on Christmas morning.

It has been an interesting process determining what we keep and what we let go of in creating new traditions.

Panda39

My family is quite diverse! We are Protestant. One of my cousins married a man who is Africa-American with a Creole background -- he is Roman Catholic. Another cousin married an Indonesian woman who is Muslim.  My stepchildren observe Theraveda Buddhist (Thai) traditions along with Christian. Then my ex is Jewish. Life is never dull.

I especially like Loy Kratong, a Thai holiday. It is observed on the November full moon and is a combination of forgiveness for transgressions in the past year, letting go of the bad, and renewal for the next year. Everyone makes or buys a "kratong" -- a float made of a slice of banana tree stalk and beautiful flowers like plumeria, orchids and lotus blossom along with a joss stick and a candle. Then you place a coin (for prosperity), a strand of hair, and clipped fingernails into the center and launch it in (preferably) moving water. It is a once-in-a-lifetime experience to see hundreds of kratong floating down a stream or river. Most cities also launch the white paper lanterns. Chiang Mai launches 10,000 and shuts down the airport that night!

Hi everyone!
I am hanging three ornaments!
Self care
Self awareness
Self reliance

Well, it's time to set out the plate of cookies and a glass of milk for Santa.  :) The Christmas tree has been decorated so beautifully, and I bet that Santa notices how unique this tree is from all the others he will place gifts underneath tonight.

Perhaps some of the best gifts we have are those already hung upon our tree.

Thank you to this special family for all the love hung by the ornaments, each in celebration of you.  :heart:  :wee:

 :hug:
Wools

Sorry I am late (there's always one isn't there) :( :cursing: :hug: lol

Thank you for this wonderful Christmas thread Wools and a very merry Christmas to everyone in this thread.  :wee:

"Thanks Woolsie for getting the Christmas tree back out for us to decorate together. A wonderful new tradition is born Way to go!" - Kwamina.

A agree Kwamina, I was here for the first one  :wee: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=331398.0

I would like to also hang gratitude, for you guys, for this bpdfamily support resource, for your love and acceptance of me exactly as I am.

I would like to hang a late decoration before the end of the season.

I wish to hang RESILIENCE.

As we learn and grow and find our strength, we can build resilience for when we fall down, so that we can pick ourselves up again.

Hey guys!

Still in the Christmas season, so I hope it's not too late to hang two more ornaments. I bring creativity and humour, both life-savers for me.

Much love to all of the family here.

Chayka

Hi freespirit, Methuen and chayka :hi:

Thanks for joining the celebrations! it is never too late for more ornaments :wee: