BPDFamily.com

 Hi BPD Family,

 So it had been almost 3 weeks since my XW had contacted me (the longest she has gone yet) and I was hopefully that made she had turned a corner and was done / moving on.  This morning first thing I get an email from her reminding me that my car insurance expires at the end of the year and that the car tax needs to be paid too (it's not due until 1/5/20).  The car she is referring to is in my name. I am a 40 year old man, and I completely capable of taking care of my car insurance and registration (In case anyone was wondering).

   This really just seems like another lame excuse to reach out to me (we literally have nothing that binds us at this point). I have noted before that she posts lies about our relationship almost daily on redditt.  Just as an experiment I checked redditt and she literally posted about me within 5 minutes of sending that email (some nonsense about our relationship that wasn't true).  I hate to use the term, but obviously she was triggered.

  Normally, I would email back and politely thank her and say that I would take care of it.  I don't think I am going to it do it this time because it feels unnecessary.  I am starting to lose my patience with this behavior (especially after she called me 3 weeks ago and screamed at me for 2.5 hours).   I would appreciate any advice on dealing with this.   

It is.


You could ignore it. You could also politely thank her. Do the thing that will create the most calmness for you. I wonder if even a polite thank you can trigger her into more angry contact with you.

I might also ask, does searching for her posts on reddit create calmness for you? What effect does it have on you?

 Thank you Forgiveness for replying.  Previously I have always politely thanked her for her lame excuse fake administrative emails.  It hasn't stopped her from sending them and it has never caused her to get angry (although recent contact unrelated to these types of emails was very angry).  So I am kind of curious what will happen if there is no reply.

  As far as reddit goes... I know it's helpful or productive for me to look at what garbage she posts about me to strangers on the internet.  I know it's not true and that's all that counts.  I just thought it was interesting to observe that her lame excuse email also coincided with one of her nonsense postings. 

You hit the nail on the head. It is a lame excuse. However you want to go about handling your affairs is of course your decision. My advice is simply to stay the course of no contact and just be done because there is nothing to salvage. She wants to draw you into the toxic web of chaos and drama again.

It is a hallmark of the disorder...they cannot tell you what they want or need and they go about communicating those things through destructive behaviors and channels. Don't allow yourself to become personally wrapped up in it. Hell my ex wife tried to make up incredible stories that I strangled her, etc (my family and friends laughed because I'm the guy who would kick another man's a$$ for committing those acts of violence against women).

The way I go about it with both the ex wife and the woman I just got done with...they have absolutely nothing they can say bad about me. No, they have to conjure up some BS because I am actually just that good of a person and an amazing man and truth be told I was too good for them. That is the crux of it...they know it, but have to demonize me to feel better about how horrible they treated me. That is why I can go about my business and hold my head up high.

Let the disordered people live in their fantasy world and you just go about your business living in the real world and focusing on how to live a normal, boring life and you will be the winner because you will be happy.

Cheers and live well my friend!

-SC-

Hey LBG, I agree w/Forgiveness.  Do what feels right to you.  In my view, she's throwing you a few crumbs to see if you're still on the line, which is one reason why you might want to ignore it.

LJ

 Thank you everyone for your kind replies.  As always I really appreciate it.

  I am just going to vent for a minute...so don't mind me.  I am think I am finally starting to get very angry at her, which might be a useful emotion at moving on.  This a person who abused me emotionally, verbally and physically during our marriage and allowed her family to run rough shot all over me...…. 3.5 months ago she decides to walk out on me and lie about where she is going...I don't say a word and make divorce as easy as possible (15 days).  She continues to spread false allegations about me and post lies about me and our relationship to random strangers on the web.  The divorce is finalized 6 weeks ago... and I legitimately expect that I have heard the last of her.   Things come to a head 3 weeks ago when she calls me and screams at me for almost 3 hours...  again I legitimately expect that I have heard the last of her...….   then today she emails me to remind me about minor administrative BS about a car she does not own and it does not affect her...….while simultaneous posting more lies about me all day.   

   I mean I get that obviously life down south is not living up to her expectations and obviously something happened down there in the last few days to trigger and activate her to contact me... but I am really for the first time getting angry.  This is not remotely ok... and this certainly was not just about registration / car insurance on a car she has no interest in.  I am also at my wits end here.     

Do you have children together? 

Do you know about grey-rock technique for communication?  It tends to help.

I have a cease and desist with my ex - who showed up at my place of work.

Rev

 Hey Rev

 No kids.  We were only married a year and all the marital business has been wound up.   

  I am familiar with Grey rock, but that's only when you have to respond.  I dont think i owe her any further contact.   

Right on

You are lucky there are no children involved.

It sounds like you are at your wits end with this woman so my advice is to protect yourself. I would block all communication and also not look on reddit, that probably isn't helping.

It can take a very long time to come to terms with what has happened, I dont think you have yet come to terms with it all because if you had you wouldn't be checking up on what shes posting. You need to think about yourself right now and your healing process.

Think of it like a fire that needs to go out, everytime she contacts she is throwing a log on, it keeps the fire burning. Look at how you are contributing to this.

You cannot read messages if she is blocked because you wont receive the message to begin with, the fire slowly dies, your anxiety lowers, you become healthier, you heal.

LT.