BPDFamily.com

I was a regular on here around five years ago when dealing with my then partner's suicide attempt and rapid splitting behaviours. At that time I had embarked on a psychology qualification and was sure there was BPD, but I was really experiencing the fog and there had been no formal diagnosis.

After we split up for good I did just move on with my life, though with the painful scars that the end of such an intense relationship leaves. I got married to someone else and focussed on my career. He was in a relationship too, and lived fairly locally to me so we sometimes brushed up against each other but never communicated.

A month ago he got in touch with me again. I was widowed last year and his relationship had ended. He told me that he'd spent the two years after our split in intense therapy during which he'd been diagnosed with BPD and had treatment.

I'm not as emotional or attached as I was in any sense. Heartbreak followed by widowhood tends to toughen you up, it seems. I have more of a helicopter view of the situation (sorry) and I can observe as I see little bits of dysregulation here and there, though none as intense as in the past. I do not doubt those extremes will return in times of stress, but I have a huge protective barrier these days.

Anyway, re-engaging with him is quite healing in a way, as if it's the culmination of a learning process. I have no idea how things will transpire, though I'm certain it won't be exactly drama free. I suspect I'll be back here a fair bit to share and ask advice :)

Hi Suspicious, welcome back. Incredible story, and my sincerest apologies to hear about your husband. It will be interesting to see any advice or hurdles you can bring to the site!