BPDFamily.com

I've recently read a thread on here about splitting on vacation.  Stories of 'events' holidays, family get togethers etc that have gone horibbly wrong. My undiagnosed bf definitely has big issues here but i always thought it secondary or a 'comorbid' behavior. I'm now starting to question that.

He explains it as travel anxiety which it definitely is but i see it as another version of splitting. He cycles between terribly mean to clingy and apologetic. He also tends to binge drink.

He explains it all away as if it's not a big deal.

Hi there,

I can give you my experience with "vacation mode".  There is always an issue when we go on vacation.  My W is VERY excited on the first day, almost like a little kid at Christmas.  Then her mood gets distant and distant as the trip goes on and on the last day, every single vacation she cries and barely speaks to anyone and if you try and talk to her she will give you one word answers or snap your head off.  It's horrible, it's like she is that same little kid throwing a tantrum (inside).  Also, she has an issue with road trips.  She insists on driving, because she doesn't like the way anyone else drives and she feels more in control.  Then she will RARELY stop, like I usually get a UTI on road trips, but when she does stop it's quick and never says a word...then as soon as we get back on the road she will say I'm tired it would have been nice for you to offer to drive...and I always say, pull over I don't mind...then she will rage that's not the point and I should have offered and she shouldn't have to ask.  Next time, I offer and she just blows up and says things like "you know I don't like it when anyone else drives".  Also, on road trips, she doesn't like it when we eat in the car, and if we do and we chew too loudly she gets very upset and stops us from eating.  She doesn't talk on road trips and doesn't like to listen to music...but if we do you can't sing along.  It's basically silent the whole way...torture.

SH4

My H tends to be moody and sometimes downright volatile before and immediately after a vacation. While we're out of town, he's his best possible self: relaxed, humorous, playful, engaged and engaging. But beforehand, he's anxious (especially if he's going alone) and after, he's kind of depressed it's over.

Now, family events are another matter all together. :(

I'm so amazed at all the similarities i am seeing in this forum just in the last week! Things i wish i knew but am thankful to be learning now. Epiphanies that are helping connect the dots.