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Title: Behavior of Bpd diagnosed person after getting a child? Post by: Toughluck on December 21, 2019, 01:01:30 PM I was just wondering that...
What do you think or what are your experiences after getting a child with bpd, how does their behavior change? Is it like before getting a child? I mean the traits... Of course there are always stress factors for everyone who gets a child at a times but.. Of course these things can't be generalized and people are different.. Title: Re: Behavior of Bpd diagnosed person after getting a child? Post by: Harri on December 21, 2019, 03:17:02 PM From what I have read here, adding a child in the mix intensifies the dysfunction and complicates an already complicated situation. The child ends up suffering as do the parents.
Title: Re: Behavior of Bpd diagnosed person after getting a child? Post by: zachira on December 22, 2019, 01:31:14 PM I echo what Harri has to say in that having a child makes the relationship more complicated and intensifies the dysfunction in the relationship. Studies show that for normal couples, having a normal child is extremely challenging for the marriage.
Title: Re: Behavior of Bpd diagnosed person after getting a child? Post by: MisterT on December 22, 2019, 06:00:10 PM I agree. For my wife her BPD tendencies and traits were amplified when kids arrived. She became obsessed with their perfection, as if any shortcomings in the kids would be negative reflection on her. She has impossibly high standards for them that a kid just can’t meet. Plus, I encourage the kids to think for themselves and to figure out things on their own when possible. But for wife it’s her way ONLY and anything else is a sign of disrespect.
We’re together 16 years and 13 with kids. It’s hell. I feel like I could manage her pretty well when it was just us two, but I can’t manage her moods and emotional swings with kids - currently 13, 11 and 9 - anymore. There are too many potential triggers especially with puberty and the older ones craving independence. Title: Re: Behavior of Bpd diagnosed person after getting a child? Post by: Toughluck on December 23, 2019, 12:47:51 PM I agree. For my wife her BPD tendencies and traits were amplified when kids arrived. She became obsessed with their perfection, as if any shortcomings in the kids would be negative reflection on her. She has impossibly high standards for them that a kid just can’t meet. Plus, I encourage the kids to think for themselves and to figure out things on their own when possible. But for wife it’s her way ONLY and anything else is a sign of disrespect. We’re together 16 years and 13 with kids. It’s hell. I feel like I could manage her pretty well when it was just us two, but I can’t manage her moods and emotional swings with kids - currently 13, 11 and 9 - anymore. There are too many potential triggers especially with puberty and the older ones craving independence. Wow, 16years... I was mentally broken and exhausted without any kids so,I can't imagine what kind of ride that has been. I had like 2 major fights in a week with my exbpd and those fights ever made sense. I guess the circus starts when a child get older, acc.what you said Title: Re: Behavior of Bpd diagnosed person after getting a child? Post by: MisterT on December 23, 2019, 04:17:18 PM Wow, 16years... I was mentally broken and exhausted without any kids so,I can't imagine what kind of ride that has been. I had like 2 major fights in a week with my exbpd and those fights ever made sense. I guess the circus starts when a child get older, acc.what you said It's the kids that have kept me in this for so long. I'm sure I wouldn't be married still if not for them. And now that I am mentally broken and exhausted, I feel stuck in the marriage knowing the kids won't have me there as that buffer. I need to find a way to divorce and detach and still know they are being cared for when I'm not a daily part of their lives. |