BPDFamily.com

I think the problem with giving gifts is that you raise your own hopes for the other party to be happy.  I've had so many unhappy incidences with gifting my uBPDh, and yeah, I fell into that trap again.  So I presented a gift to him last night, he wasn't overly enthusiastic but thanked me.  This morning, the kids needed tending to and he was annoyed at the situation then immediately blurted out, "Yeah and you got me xyz.  You think I have time for it?  In your dreams.  It also takes up all the counter space." (this thing is smaller than a kettle, which I kept in the corner) I didn't say anything, because if you're giving a gift you shouldn't JADE your way into people being thankful for it.

But can't say I didn't shed a few tears as I was leaving for work.

I so get this.

I'm not a great gift giver. I know that. But I've tried.
My gifting tries have been flops, many, many times.
Last year I got H a new pillow... I spent a couple of hours trying to find the perfect balance of soft, firm, cool... he told me it was weird.

Before a trip, the kids and I picked a travel mug. He later told me he didnt really like it.

And let's not even talk about the scissors! worst flop ever! (I thought it was a cute gift to label them as Dad's scissors, b/c the kids were always making off with the other pair and not returning them to the drawer.)

He takes it so personally and feels I don't get him, or dont care enough.

I bet lots of people have Christmas gift stories!

Ahhh... yes, pillow.  I flopped that one too.  He complained that his pillow wasn't comfy and it was getting old, I got him a new one and he complained that it was weird too.

My ex was quite the opposite. She would greatly appreciate the gifts I got her (because she'd explicitly say what she wanted a little while beforehand) but then her gift-giving was pretty odd. When we got together I explicitly told her to never buy me a particular thing, and then on each occasion we did gift-giving, that was the thing she got me. The first time round I laughed it off but the second time round I became a little frustrated with her - largely due to financial things and discounts I could obtain for it that she couldn't. She then became frustrated with me for not getting excited at the gift. After blabbering on about appreciating the gesture just being a little funny with the fact I had done what she did, and asked for something specific, and she got me the one gift I told her not to, we descended into a fight. Quite humorous looking back at it!

My experience has been pretty dismal when it comes to buying my partner gifts. She always complains her son has never bought her a gift so I try to make a big effort to compensate as well as show her that I do actually love her. A futile task perhaps?

Her birthday is soon after Christmas so I need to prepare in advance in order not to have shipping issues or closed shops. She does appear to appreciate the presents although that can change as instantly as anything else. Black and white thinking?

Of all the gifts I have bought, from beautiful vintage lamps, to iPads, to art; she has smashed up all of them in a drunken rage. This year I blurted out that I had ordered her a $350 pair of mint condition designer boots from the 60's, and she told me to cancel the order!

Christmas can be a difficult time with the BPD erruptions, but a birthday days after is extra problematic. It would almost be less drama to deal with if we bought them nothing!

Happy Christmas!