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Title: Withdrawal, at home he is emotionally abusive and cold. Post by: Stic68 on December 26, 2019, 04:26:46 AM Hi I need help with my hubs who has Bipolar and BPD symptoms. After a hellish year we have finally managed to get him to a Psychiatrist for review but until that appointment our marriage is hanging by a thread. My husband has withdrawn all communication, is not eating, has lost significant weight and is now sleeping in the spare room and storing clothes etc in his car. He is charming to others and handsome and seems to be able to pass for normal and yet at home he is emotionally abusive and cold. I am trying to figure out how to cope until we can get help after holidays. I cannot afford to leave him as I'm currently awaiting operation and am not working
Any ideas about how to set limits that will help me cope? I feel huge shame that he has others in our community thinking I'm abusive hysterical controlling and domineering. He pretends our marriage is ok and then is nasty to me in private. He demands space so I have given him that but I am feeling hugely rejected and highly anxious. I tried suggesting a compromise of making time for physical affection and separate beds for sleep but he does not agree. Am I really crazy wanting this kind of compromise until we see a Psychiatrist? I would like him to show some care for me, we've been married for twelve years. :help: Title: Re: Withdrawal, at home he is emotionally abusive and cold. Post by: Ozzie101 on December 26, 2019, 08:53:18 AM Hi Stic68! Welcome!
I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but you've come to a good place. We "get it" here. It can be so difficult for us when our loved ones act in this way. It really can wreak havoc on our own emotional health. How is your self-care? Do you have friends and family you can spend time with? Any hobbies you can pursue? Anything you enjoy or that relaxes you (even small things like taking a walk or reading a book with a cup of tea)? Those are all things that can help build up our strength and help us keep going. Compromise is a worthy and noble thing (most of the time) and is the key to a healthy relationship. A relationship with BPD is not always healthy and from the sounds of things, your H is in crisis mode. So, no, a compromise is not something you're likely to get. Is he giving you the full silent treatment? Or are there occasional flare-ups of conflict? |