BPDFamily.com

Hi everyone. This is my first post, so forgive me if formatting is weird and stuff.

I suspect my 18 year old sister has BPD; she has even said herself that she relates to some of the symptoms. She has a history of diagnosed depression, anxiety, ptsd, and an ed.

She moved in with me this past October, (I'm 3 years older and have been living out of my parent's house for a few years). Since this is her first time truly moving out, she's having trouble adjusting to paying bills and managing money.

I've grown up sharing a room with my sister for pretty much my entire childhood and we've always been very close, got along really well together... Due to this, I've been privy to some of her mental health struggles. To give you an example, one time at her old job, she left early without telling a manager so when my dad found out he calmly told her that it wasn't okay and not to do it again. She then stayed in her room the rest of the night, really upset. She later told me that she had cut herself because she believed that our dad didn't love her. This situation has happened before.

She has a hard time taking criticism, she tends to get really quiet and upset and has said that she thinks that people hate her.

As well, she has had a lot of unstable friendships over the years, a lot of hanging out with the "bad" crowd so to speak, (people who did drugs recklessly, drank, skipped school...) Not to mention, a lot of these people would treat her badly and she would never say a word. At this time, she also suffered from being bullied, (this was all in high school).

Bringing it back to the point of this post, living with her has been a bit of an adjustment, obviously that comes when you move in with someone. But she has also said herself that she's having a hard time right now, but I don't know how to be of the best support. I try to just give her a lot of space and encourage her to hang out with friends, go outside, as well as seek help, (she has in the past).

Sometimes, she will lash out a bit and get angry at me. For example, my partner and I were smoking out on balcony, (something we usually do when we hang out, it usually takes less than 5 minutes). My sister doesn't have curtains so she came out to yell to turn the light off and locked the door on us. She apologized a day later, but this is just an example.

Also, the first month we lived together she spent almost $400 on a tattoo, spent money on a piercing, and bought a video game console. She was then saying that after transferring her share of the rent, she had no money for food.

Anyways, I just want to know how to best interact and support my sister while also setting clear boundaries, because I'll admit, sometimes I feel a tad resentful when she gets angry when I've done nothing to her to cause it. Mainly I'm just worried and want to see her get help and be happy. Any advice or guidance would be appreciated, many thanks!

Hey crm7,

I'm a big sister too, with similar age gap. ...my sister and I are just quiiiiite a bit older than the two of you.

Anyway, a few of the good things are that you're both young and that she's wondering/considering that help may be useful for her. That's huge. So is that she has been for help in the past (if I read that right).

There could be many reasons for this including maybe having full control of her money for the first time, but this caught my eye: Spending money that she doesn't have. While she is wondering if she should seek help, encourage her to do it. It could be that medication may level out her moods/mood disorder(?). But it could also "just" be BPD, especially since it's common with a history of ED.

It's hard to live with someone with these behaviors, isn't it? I'm just astonished that your sister's behavior is quite similar to my sister's too. --enough that it made me reply. I'm very new here too. Hi!