BPDFamily.com

Hi
So I am back here asking for advice again.
Just before Christmas we split up .. again. Quick summary is she left her ex at the end of the summer ( he had left his wife and kids for her ) she went on holiday without him and phoned me from the airport on her way out . We had been on off talking the whole time she was with him , sometimes she blocked me , sometime I chased her , sometimes she chased me .
When she returned from this holiday we met up and basically got back together again . It wasn’t long before she moved back in ( although some of her stuff was still at his ) .
The whole time through the last 3 months he has been messaging her and although she did block him for a while .
Crazily I agreed to try for a child , and she is now pregnant. However I can’t be 100% sure it is mine .
As soon as she found out she was pregnant sex stopped . I intimacy stopped and she become moody and withdrawn . She argued with my children and one stopped coming to stay because she didn’t like her .
Just before xmas we argued again ( my boundaries were stronger this time and she didn’t like it ) and she announced she didn’t want to be with me . She then took some stuff the next day .
We still talked most days before Xmas ,and I gave her the Xmas presents I had bought for her , including a dbt help book . But this made her flip out , saying it ruined her Christmas
Last night I saw her in the window of her ex’s house and messaged her to say she needed to collect the rest of her stuff
She tried to front it out about where she was but I didn’t reply just took a car load of stuff and dumped it at her parents .
I am taking the rest today .
But the advice I need is more about what to do next . I don’t want to contact her ( probably blocked on everything anyway) . But there will be a baby in 7 months . After she argued she said she will do all the parenting thing on her own . But that is not what I want , if the child is mine ... how do handle it from here ?

Damn dude really sorry you are this deep into this, I would verify a few things first before worrying anymore.

Make sure she is actually pregnant.
Make sure the kid is actually yours.

This baby is over your head right now, this is a control tactic. Do not let her use that to manipulate you any further, you are in a rough position that really is up to you on how to handle it, but whatever you do I only say do NOT let her back in, only let the kid into your life if it ends up being yours and if that's what you wish.

Ultimately any decision with the kid is going to be with her and it's futile to fight otherwise unless you feel you need to take guardianship.

This was always my worst fear with my ex, I'm so sorry you are living it. Don't let this ruin you though, if possible I would consult a lawyer as this situation gets really tricky.

Hi.  

I am glad you came back here and posted.  We can help you.   :hug:

I suggest you post on the Bettering board regarding your interactions with your ex as ultimately you want to be able to use the tools to achieve the best possible outcomes for you if this baby is yours.  Your situation has happened to others here and it is best to act from a place of knowledge and understanding rather than emotions.  You will get that kind of focus more on the Bettering board.

I would also recommend posting on the Family Law board to discuss issues like paternity, father's rights and custody if you are the father.

Links:
Bettering board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=6.0)
Family Law board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=10.0)

Thanks guys .
It has all been silent since I received a message on the 30th from the other guy from her phone saying “you sir are a c@?t” which I didn’t reply to .
I still haven’t dropped the rest of her stuff to her mum and dads as they didn’t seem happy at all to have it dumped there.
I think a few days of silence will help me be more rational when the conversation start again .
I have no idea what she is telling him , he hates me and obviously sees this as a challenge of winning her back , rather than the truth of destroying another family. And there is no point asking her as she won’t tell the truth .
Looking at the dates I am pretty sure the baby is mine , but I believe she started talking to him again before she found out she was pregnant, as that is when her attitude seemed to flip 180 towards me .
I am trying not to obsess and keep myself busy but I am a worrier and can’t get it off my mind