BPDFamily.com

Happy new year to you all.  My new year didn't start too well.  It's better than the way my 2019 started, but H's been in an irritable mood due to various things, many of which not directly related to me but of course he can find linkage from all the wrongs I have done to him in the past that caused the situation today. 

Anyway...what is your BPD-related new year resolution, either to better the relationship or your own emotional state?  For me, it's "speak only when necessary".  Obviously not to the point of ignoring my uBPDh, but I tend to speak a lot of unnecessary stuff just so there's no silence, and the more I say, the more I tend to say wrong (and will stir up my emotion too).  Also more ammo for him to lash out on me.  So for now I want to practise saying less, even when he's being irritable, and even when he's lashing out on me.  It will be a challenge for me, as I don't do silence very well, and also whenever he's in a bad mood (and projecting it on me) I tend to do whatever I can to cleanse myself from those accusations.  But then I get into JADEing or arguing with the nonsensical.

What's your resolution?  Do share and see if the rest of us can learn a thing or two from you :) 

Chosen, love this idea of sharing new year resolutions. Thank you!

I am really liking your "speak only when necessary" resolution and am tucking it away for future reference.

My resolution is "Let them feel their feelings." This is made up of two parts. (1) Giving BPD the space to feel whatever they feel, no matter how unreasonable or unfair. This means acknowledging, empathizing, not JADEing and not being judgmental. (2) Not feeling obliged to respond differently or feel what they feel. Their emotion doesn't have to dictate my emotion or my response.

Example: LC with BPD really hurt their feelings last year. I can acknowledge and accept that they were genuinely hurting. I can also maintain my stance and protect my values.

I'd love to hear from others!
pj