BPDFamily.com

Hello All,

I have a 25-year-old girl diagnosed with BPD, dropped out of college, staying at home, wants to stay out late at night, not some great choices, occasionally works however believes that all her problems would be solved if she can stay alone.

At home, she picks up lot of fights(although we are getting better at validation), stays awake all night, and would like to talk to us when we are so tired at the end of our day as both my husband and I work. She feels lonely. Circadian rhythm is so off.

Thank you again,
Radha Shankar
1. Is it a good idea to get her a companion dog (like Poodle/Cavalier), I would like to know how many tried the pet route to help with the intense loneliness she faces?

2. A small condo so that she can learn to become independent. I would like to know how many parents tried this option and how did it turn out?

3. Anyone applied SSI and how long it takes to get? As she has 11 years of history, an attorney told me that he is positive. But I want to know the experiences of other parents.

Hello RadhaShankar and welcome  :hi:

You ask great questions, some parents are in similar situations, you are not alone. You've been dealing with this for 11 years and an attorney told you your daughter is likely to fill the criteria for disability is good news. I'm in the UK so unable to comment on the time it can take.

Your story sounds familiar, your DD is struggling and its truly exhausting. The key is how to turn it around collaboratively, that's what we learn here.

My 31 DD (dear daughter) lives at home she receives a small disability allowance, so yes along with many here my goal is to support towards independent living. I have a simple plan, joint goals with my DD. 1. Treatment (ongoing). 2. Get back to work (present goals in therapy), or full disability allowance. 3. Independent living. Treatment underpins everything, it's where DD builds her confidence and skills for life. It's tediously slow …. and requires great patience, she is doing brilliantly. I am clear in my mind I won't be supporting her financially once she's living independently and DD knows that too and understands the reasons why. The only thing I will financially support is therapy, if DD is working it will be a contribution towards. I will of course support her emotionally as she problem solves and builds her skills living independently.

So my question, is your DD in treatment, therapy? What's the history here?

Yes, pets are great for our mental health. My DD homed Hope, a kitten in 2017 (her cat passed away 2015) and Hope gives her much comfort and joy. I was very clear with DD the cat is her financial responsibility. Vet fees, food, cat care for when we are both away from home. DD pays this from her small disability allowance, I have not paid a penny  |iiii Does your DD love dogs, has she owned one before? I have read here parents homing a pet and end up having to looking after it themselves.  :(  

I'm glad you've reached out for support, it's critical as many of us learn.

WDx

Hello WDx,

Thank you so much for your quick response.

My daughter's struggle started at the age of 13! and it started with Anorexia --> ---> Intense anger  ---> Depression ---> Severe Anxiety ---> diagnosed as Bipolar --->Alcohol addiction ---> PTSD ---> stability for two years ---> dropped out of college after third year ---> at home ---> not working , sleeping around, blaming us for everything, picking fights --> Active sex life --- > became a prodigal  --> came back and now in a residential hospital - just heard yesterday that she is not cooperating and that they may kick her out!

Before the age of 13, she was too good at studies and infact the school told u s to put her in pre school three years ahead of her age .. very obedient, bubbly, positive, obedient and happy child. The genetic test revealed that her brain stopped producing b12 needed in a form needed for the brain. She takes some medical food called Deplin ! My son(second child) got diagnozed for depression at the age of 13 and exact same issue but recovered by God's grace and also we knew what to do the second time around..

My husband and I have full time job, no family help in USA, so at our wits end as this child seems too intelligent and too sick t get the right treatment. Recently Mayo clinic top psychiatrist told that she is suffering from BPD and not bipolar and all the symptoms lead to BPD .. S admitted her in residential treatment.

Do not want to have her at home as her nightlife bothers us. So want to keep her outside the house in a small one-bedroom apartment and charge her for the property tax and other fees if she gets her disability..

Thanks for the information about the pet! That is a god idea to make her pay for taking care of the pet..want to buy a pet if she stays at our place so i can atleats make sure that the pet is fed. Normally she cares.