BPDFamily.com

Hey all, I took a long hiatus. I realized the more I came and vented the more I was clinging on to false hope that I was building myself to regain something with my exwbpd. It was not healthy whatsoever for myself.

Anyways, I am doing a lot better mentally. I had a class with my exwbpd last semester. It was difficult..
We had many encounters, and those encounters we wouldnt say much but at times she'd do something nice for me. I did try to talk a few times but I was shut down each time.

She saw me with a female friend, (who'm her friends stalked, and she stalked) outside class and that night my ex sent me a message.

I replied, but she never replied again. I guess she messaged me just to see if I still cared.

I did fail the class. but its okay. Learning experience.

New years, my ex unblocked me which I found strange as she popped up on my social media's as suggested friends. but I blocked her for my own sanity. its hard keeping her blocked.

One of her "ex friends" randomly popped up at my work and we had a convo because we shared class. and then he brought her up to me and if i'd seen or talked to her. Of course this made me upset, as im trying to move on and I think they are playing games with me at this point by saying they arent friends with her and worried about her but then only talking to me when its about her.

but this is rationalizing and i dont want to care.

I did start a new job my classmate offered me, and its a million times better and more benefits than my old job. and this helps my future career. However, it is a few minutes from her house and I was hesitant on accepting it at first. but I cant be scared forever.

anyways, just an update to anyone who cares.

thank you for reading.  :hug:

"anyways, just an update to anyone who cares." - Instead of using this phrasing and terminology just vent and let it go and then say thank you all for listening. If you come to a board like this people do sincerely care. They can relate.

Just trying to help you change your mind set a bit here. Don't beat yourself up.

"but this is rationalizing and i dont want to care." - The easy answer...then don't care. Have the confidence in yourself to truly not give a F to the U to the C to the K! No one controls you but you. No dictates your life but YOU! So from now on in your mind come from a place of power and think outcome independence.

Quit playing the game and perpetuating the cycle and choose to live your best life.

Cheers and best wishes to you!

-SC-

thank you Sinister. I feel a burden when it comes to talking about my ex as the relationship has almost been 2.5 years and Im probably self projecting because Im annoyed at myself I still care about her and love her.

So first and foremost...its not a burden. Do not be so hard on yourself. To pull a quote from Ryan Reynolds in Van Wilder..."Don't take life too seriously or you'll never make it out alive." Additionally, why would you be annoyed at yourself for caring and loving? You do realize that if you truly loved and cared about someone at some point you always will. No matter what you do that just doesn't just go poof and disappear like puff the magic dragon. Running from it or trying to fight against it actually just makes matters worse. Here is how you look at it. I loved her. I care about her. However, I do not want to be with her and I do not appreciate how I was treated. It is unfortunate how things unfolded, but I deserve respect. I deserve love. Its life...sh*t happens. It wasn't meant to be. Want better, expect better, Do Better!

You can still love and care for the person, but be healthy about it and do it from a distance and take the lessons learned from the experience and move on apply those lessons to make the next relationships even better.

From now on you cannot view your thoughts and feelings as a burden. If you have something to say...vent it out. Get it out of your system. Holding it in just creates more problems. Keep your head up and nut up and go after your future opportunities with vigor and conviction. No more feeling sorry for yourself.

Cheers and best wishes to you.

-SC-

Hey CryWolf, I agree w/Sinister: feel free to vent, without judging yourself.  It's normal to have feelings about your Ex.  I suggest that, rather than get annoyed at yourself, you allow the feelings and let them pass through you.  Submerging your feelings is likely to prolong the healing process.  You might consider meeting with a close friend, family member or therapist to discuss your feelings, because it's helpful to externalize your emotions and observe them in the clear light of day, where they don't seem so intimidating.

LuckyJim