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Title: Crisis driver adult daughter is texting me daily with latest crisis Post by: Goocher47 on January 22, 2020, 09:35:14 AM My adult daughter is texting me daily with her life crisis and physical and mental health problems. I have lovingly told her in the last weeks that I am dealing with many of my own challenges and that I know that she is able to survive the moments with her support system.
I have provided hugs and some food and can do no more at the moment. What words would be most helpful to her to understand...she is telling me no ER or 911 and that she is canceling her spinal surgery scheduled for next month. I know that these are all her decisions and that she has an excellent therapist working with her. I just don't want a daily text or ten on what is happening. Title: Re: Crisis driver adult daughter is texting me daily with latest crisis Post by: Swimmy55 on January 22, 2020, 01:45:50 PM Hi Goocher,
First and foremost, It is marvelous news that she does have a therapist . Maybe SET would help here ?( Support, Empathy , Truth) here is the link https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0 The Truth here is that you need your mental resources for your own healing right now. Gently and lovingly conveying that is the challenge. She may not want to hear that "noise" no matter how lovingly you state it. You will have to be ok with that. I know we all have fear of "setting off" our BPD kids, but we also have to learn to ask ourselves "so what?". In this instance, she does have a therapist , , you need a bit of space. Are you willing to also set a limit that you can live with ( like no more than 5 texts a day and then maybe turning the phone off for a couple of hours- whatever you are comfortable with?) . You can let her know the limit or not ,truth be told. Or maybe respond to her first 2 texts and let the other 8 go for the day? Do you feel you have to answer all her texts? Title: Re: Crisis driver adult daughter is texting me daily with latest crisis Post by: formflier on January 22, 2020, 06:53:36 PM *welcome* I want to join Swimmy55 in welcoming you. Hey..I'm glad you have found us. I think we can help your situation. What kinds of things does your pwBPD say when you let them know you don't want to hear these "updates"? I'm going to guess they are doing this to get a reaction...any reaction from you. Let's assume that's the case for the sake of this discussion (at least right now). What is the best thing to do next time you get a text (you know there will be a next time..right?) I also wonder if be proactive would help. Ever tried that? Best, FF |